departures of more friends

Sarah and me...

nils

Matthius

Bret, stephanie and taylor

Greta and hillary

As of now, all the americans are gone or should i say most of them are gone. only patrick who is doing his internship, claire who is from erasmus program and maybe taylor is left. its a sad moment truly.. jus saw bret to the taxi and greta left at 5.30 this morning. was abit lazy to wake up to send her off but am glad i did. she and bret will be someone i be missing too..

Speaking of missing, i guess i will miss a couple of germans when im back. they be leaving mostly on the 9th next week. botermann, nils, matthius-2nd floor, lucy and sarah.. i will be missing all of them. boterman has been one of my closest friend here. he will be solely missed.. nils is a good natured chap. he will be missed.. matthius i swear i the funniest man alive with his goofness and silly antics. he will be missed. sarah... sarah will be missed terribly..

Now it stuck me that i be leaving in 22days time. i cant help reminisce the first time in warsaw was snowing and kuba and bartek were at the airport to send me off. i dint know many people. now that im starting to know more and more people, the time to depart has arrived. this is sad but its a facet of life that we must deal with. meeting, acquaintanceship and departures are part and parcel of life. sad it may be, this is how it was and how it will continue be.

Suddenly im not so gungho and eager to leave. yes im dying to get back. to dig into my plate of sumptous nasi lemak, to hold jolene up and play with her, to start earning money again, to see my parents, to be even warm again.. but this place is where i call my home for the last 4-5months. it will be a heavy heart that im leaving this place.

I doubt i will be back. even if im back, i guess the circumstances will have changed. i wont see most if not all of the erasmus students. the mood and atmosphere will change. but as i say, its a fact of life. i will deal with it.. tough it may be..

jolin

Called my mom today. she told me my beloved niece-jolin had being really eccentric recently. crying and beating her new younger brother for no apparant reasons. she even tried to tell my parents that someone may have hit her in school. i dont know why but it seriously pains me when i heard of that.. i know even if another kid hit out at her in school, it more probably a case of "child's play". but this does not diminsh the fact she is still young and need to be protected.

I guess the adults gave her less credit than due. she is prolly jealous that a new baby is in the house. lets not forget for a moment that she is still young. in fact she is still a toddler. we should never expect her to be indifferent to the new addition. all the attentions used to be showered on her. a cry will brought about a mad scrampering to find means to please her. a fall would see many rushing to pacify her, to coach her.. now even though she is still very much loved by us, she is no longer the ONLY person to be fuss about.

Many a years ago when my sister was first conceived, i was really mad too. i still can recalled that in the months preceeding my sister's birth, i was excited like everyone else. to me she will become a new play thing or at least a play mate of mine and this will alleviate the bordom i was plagued with. however oh boy was i wrong. when she entered this brand new world, everyone was soon gushing how cute, how adorable she is. i was left alone. my attempts to carry her are usually futile as being young, boyish and rough, i would inevitably hurt her. soon i start to abhor this new addition to my family.

I resent the fact that every one is fussing around her. i was older and therefore not so much in vogue. i hated that. feeling obstracised, i hated my sister then. i used to tell my family friends they could have her if so desired. of course (thankfully), it didnt materialise. i was 5 years old then.

Fast forward to the present situation. jolin is barely 3 years old. she should be basking in the complete attention showered on her. now she not only has to complete for attention, praises and laughters, she is also transferred to a nursery as my mom couldnt handle 2 kids. in her small fragile heart, she must be feeling very very upset.. alot of us may think young kids couldnt think but we are wrong. they do think. being exposed to love and attention lead to us craving for more. we cannot expect a young toddler to be altruistic and share the love with her younger brother. she dont think that way. how i wish im by her side now.. she is the person i missed most in spore..

Of course as she gets older, she will appreciate this new addition. but now is not the time to expect her to welcome her brother without reservations. i hope the adults can understand this and not blame her when she tried to hit her brother for "no apparant reason". there is a reason and i suspect is to fight for attention. she will learn in times to come this is wrong. i know. i was once like her..

This of course also vindicate my belief that i should only have 1 child in the future. in this way, he/she will be the numero uno in my eyes and i can shower on the child my fullest attention. to be honest i wanted to go overseas to study in the past. but not everyone is born with a silver spoon. if i had taken the chance to go abroad, my siblings would surely not have the opportunity to do so. my dad would prolly be worked to death. luckily i got into a local varsity.. if i only had 1 child, he/she will enjoy everything i possess. no sharing is required. this i suspect will be more beneficial to the child. as for potential playmate? she can have my wife and myself. and most likely a pup or 2..

Remembrance

Do you still remember the times when we roam around carefree as a kid,
That we used to play zero-point and frolicked in the drain?

Do you still remember those days where you stood by the drain to brush your teeth as told by the dentist,
and that milk subscription is highly recommended?

Do you still remember the times when tears could get you a present or a caning,
depending on the mood of your parents?

Do you still remember the times when mathematics involved strictly numbers and not alphabets,
or that you need to stand in line to play the recorder?

I still remember those..
and I will always remember
wearing a gigantic spectacle frame,
getting dupe to play "hop-people" by my cousins,
playing rounders with newspaper encased in a plastic bag,
catching spiders and guppies,
going to the zoo for excursion,
watching hulk hogan and bret hart,
fighting with ms urine,
chasing after a can with 15 adoscelent boys,
the best time of my education in OI and
the days when i was innocent, naive and free.

I will always remember..

Nightmare

It was dark.. The wind was howling and the leaves whistle under the relentless blew.. She was floating nearer and nearer. Her hands out stretch reaching out for me.. I was struggling.. Determined to break free from the force that is pushing me down onto the floor. The white ghastly figure is just 2 feet away from me. I tried to scream, exert every onunce of my remaining strength to get out of this predicament. I was scared stiff. The pontianak wore a blank look on her face. She is determined to get me and there is no one to help me.. What can I do? I passed out..

I had this very terrifying nightmare last night.. it was so vivid that it spooks me today too. it was incredibly real and had me trembling. really tried to scream but no words were formed. hmm.. weird nightmare. anyway i tried to open my eyes but i couldnt and when i finally opened them, it was already bright thank god.. after that i dreamt of singapore again! shit i must be more home sick than i care to admit.. oh well.. soon i will be back..

Kirk will be remembered..

This morning, i send kirk to the airport together with cp and botermann. it was a very sad and solemn moment. when kirk was saying his final goodbyes to everyone in sabinki's corridor, he cried together with some others like greta. i tried saying stupid things to lessen the tension but to no avail. it was really bad...

When we were at the airport, the last few moment of him here is really so tender, tragic and poignant. when he finally say his farewell to us and once again teared, i struggled to hold back my emotions. i was almost choking but i do not want to cry. maybe its a man's thing but i refuse to cry infront of others. he will be an individual i truly miss. as i am typing this, he must be on the plane.. soon he will be back in pittsburg and everything will resume normality for him.. in times to come, everything here will be just another figment of his imagination and memory.

Maybe there will be times when he lay down on bed thinking that he prolly should be drinking with us in poland. maybe he will reminisce over the times we jeer and poke fun at each other.. maybe he will smile when he has recollections of the wonderful times he had here.

He is someone who i will never ever forget. he is sincere, honest, funny, genuine and a real joy to hang aroung with. he is a gem in his ways and i will not trade him for anyone else. but he had to leave.. soon i will be back in spore.. i miss home so much. last night i dreamt of home and my niece and nephew(who i had not seen yet). it was surreal. i had the same dream over and over again. but im pretty sure it will be with a heavy heart im leaving warsaw. i dont like this country that much. it ugly, dirty, boring and filled with poles who speak a different lingo. however i had so much frens here.. so much ppl i will surely toss around in bed and miss.. ppl like cp, boterman, kirk, sana, thoma, berit, rashmi, greta, kuba, bartek etc etc.. the list is too long to name. they are a absolute joy to be with. the camaraderie we shared is impossible to replace.

Take last night. we had a bbq and of course alcohol was flowing freely. i had alot of drinks to be honest. we even drank beer from funnel. u know u open ur mouth and we pour the whole can of beer in.. after that we tried to go equilibrium which had a party there. the bouncer refused to let me in stating im drunk. i was indignant. i acknowledge im not perfectly sober but who is over there? i was not causing any probs and i was dressed appropriately. he got no right to refuse me entry. certainly not at equilibrium where there is always no bouncer. i think he is a racist and i got fucking pissed..

The rest of the group on seeing that i cant go in, asked for a refund immediately. unable to disuade the bullshit bouncer from letting me in, we left-collectively. i did not ask for any of them to come with me. they just did. they need not do this for me. but they did. this small and seemingly insignificant gesture will stay with me. even the spainish guy(i think his spainish) who stayed beside mira i think had a nice word with me and left the club. i mean to be honest i dunno him at all and i dun exactly like him too. it was a misunderstanding then i guess. but i am really touched.. i am a no body and yet they make me feel like somebody. this friendship will stay with me in my heart. nothing can replace them or the memories we shared.. i love all of them. every single one of my true friends here.

Remember the first few days here.. i do not know much ppl except my roomy and the poles like kuba n bartek. now im in the final stage of my exchange program here. from now on, im sure time will simply surge forward.. it will be a hazard canopy of activities and we will soon be back in our ctys.. but i will miss them and the time we share. i will remember..

"Never shall I forget the days I spent with you. Continue to be my friend, as you will always find me yours."- Ludwig van Beethoven

Worst night ever..

Went to swejka with the rest ydae as some of the americans will be leaving. i finished the monstrous snitzel (see previous post for pic). thats a major achievement and coupled with e huge 1 litre beer(actually i drank more than that..), i was COMPLETELY bloated.. no room left at all for except for alcohol.. thats when the worst night in poland for me started...

I had 1 and a half beer (finish laura's drink), 1 martini and 2 cherry vodka shots (should be 4 since its the long shot glass) that are given free. after that we decided to go to a shaddy club that looks pretty ermm eastern european. i had for some stupid ridiculous reason told laura i will get her drunk that night and boy did i succeed..

Lets see what i had there.. i had 1 jack daniel, 2 vodka shots, 2 kamikazee shots, 1 bloody mary (yikez!! hate this drink. my first n last time) and 2 "special" shots (that is actually a concoction of the mind boggling 95% spirit plus citrus). after that we went back to equilibrium and i had just 1 more vodka red bull.

To be honest, i was not drunk but just high. laura asked me to dance with her. i was not too willing as to be frank, she is not really my cup of tea. however i do not know how to reject her and agreed.. omg she is really a good ball room dancer and she proceeded to dispense some dancing tips for me. not bad at all.. then got this polish girl who is almost as tall as me there.. she was dancing with her guy fren and then later she switched to dancing to laura while i was catching a breather.. she danced with me after that. she is cute but somehow there is no sparks between us and our dance with regressed to some boring similar routine steps. needless to say we dint danced too long. however after that, we tried for 1 more time and it too failed to spark any passion in the dance..

I went to bed afterthat. i woke up in the middle of my sleep scratching my body.. it felt so bloody itchy its like its infested with a million ants.. not exaggerating but it was bad.. if i scratch, it felt itchier. if i dont, i almost go bonkers.. it was really bad.. i thot its my shirt is dirty so in my semi-concious stage, i got out and change the shirt. but the itch refused to cease or even subside. i was in torment and i applied almost a full bottle of the cream to no avail. later as i really cant sleep with all that itch, i woke up and examine my body. HORRORS! its covered with red rashes throughout my entire body..

So this morning after i couldnt take it anymore, i called my mom asking what could be wrong. she suggested some form of skin prob and ask me to keep warm and it will be better. but it did NOT get better.. in my utter despair, i called bartek (cos he wake up early to work) and he advice me to wait for my coordinator to start work. it was 7am then and i thot i had to wait till 8.30(but eventually i realise she start work at 9.30). i tried to block my brain from thinking but its no point trying to delude yourself. i called kuba up. he dint pick up the first 3 times and after awhile he sms me.

"crazy. so early. what happened"

After i informed him what happened, he called me immediately and told me to meet him. to be honest, i was very touched by his gesture as he had barely 3 hours sleep b4 that. i told him to rest and just give me the address of any place i can go but he would have none of it. so we met and went to the skin doctor that i went b4 here for my hands. freak.. they said we dint book appt thus we cant come.. i mean this is an emergency and how would i foresee im going to break up into the itchiest rashes ever last night. but she said no even though kuba pleaded with her.

She suggested another place. so we went and the person say come back at 2pm. we could however she said to try a govt place. we went there and guess what.. it is fully packed with ppl and looked extremely run down. i guess i will need to wait hours but i dint really mind. kuba saw the notice board and said we could only come here if we have public insurance which of cos i dun since im not from EU. they wont even accept cash.. tmd.

So we went back to SGH and i decided to try asking gosia what could be done. she gave me the student handbook and suggest the medical centre at marriott hotel. fark i should go there right from the start. so i made my way there after reassuring kuba i be fine.. the doctor was good and recommend me for an injection to be performed by a nurse in a seperate room. it was the MOST painful injection ever even besting the typiod one i had when working in hot stones almost 10 yrs back. if u know me, i am actually totally fine with injections. but this is crazy! its so pain that i nearly teared.. i couldnot walk after that due to the medicine being injected as i limbered slowly to take a cab. i couldnt fine any and i decided to take a most painful tram ride back.

When in the room, the tel from our room rang. its from the medical centre. she said the nurse injured herself while injecting me and they want me to return to do a blood test! im infuriated and worried. what do they mean by that? did she inject her blood into me!?! but thru the phone with her limited english, it was almost impossible to ask properly and they constantly put me on hold as the so called english speaker tried to do a word for word translation of what her colleagues are telling her to me..

I was truly pissed! how could such amateur mistake occur! trying hard to contain my anger, i took a taxi down and i took a receipt. i will get the refund for this no matter what! when i reached there, i realised she cut herself AFTER injecting me when im already away. i felt more at ease on hearing that since she could not had spilled her blood onto me.. i took the refund and they gave me a voucher for taking a taxi back which i wrote a higher figure for the driver to claim.

They will call me tmr if there is something abnormal from my blood. this is 1 phonecall i WONT be hoping to get..

memories of americans, trips and fa cup final

Today is the 14th of may. time truly flies. like the old adage, time and tide waits for no man. how true.. if u remain still, everything and everyone will flies by u. the americans are leaving soon. kirk will be leaving next thurs. he is the one i will miss most from all the americans. will miss him saying "hey wassup singaporean?" "hey dude, you better check this up!" "fuck you david, FUCK YOU!" hahaa.. i even miss being swore at by him. but as the chinese sayings goes, "there is no union that last forever in the world." how tragically true...

The exchange is ending at a rapid pace.. i truly miss home. on the other hand, i have grown accustomed to the life here. i made so many friendships here that it will be a wrench leaving everyone behinds.. will miss the time we get pissed drunk together.. will miss the time we visit shaddy clubs.. will miss the time we seek out cheap and fanciful places to eat.. will miss playing soccer without sweating.. will miss the poles.. finally i will need to bid farewell to kuba and bartek too. on a bright note however, bartek is seriously SERIOUSLY thinking about securing a job in spore and get a PR with his gf. and he had proposed SUCCESSFULLY to his gf.. hooray. SIR(singapore immigration registrar), you jolly well accept their application if they decide to come if not you will lose a future voter in me.. grr..

I just realise that i am in europe and i had not seen much places!! NO spain. NO italy. NO anfield. NO france(cept for the airport). NO scotland etc.. damnit!! no girls and no visits.. thats a shame for crying out loud. lets see what have i visited.. hmm... poland..., prague...., and and... slovakia.. this is shambolic.. in europe and not touring. however i got my reasons for that.. i believe if you decide to tour, its not merely to see the place. it has to be with a person you like to travel and can relate to. perfect for travel will be the girl you love. the shining beacon of your life. the oasis in the storm. HOWEVER as all of you would have know that there is no such person here in poland thus this is out..

2nd you have to travel with a buddy that you totally enjoy having fun with. you must share this caramaderie that is unshakable and you must be in sync with each other. this for me means a partner that is FUN, crazy, spontaneous and patient. this person is likely to be a guy but a girl may cut it in rare, extreme cases. daohong is such a person i would love to travel with. atk will be quite ok but he should be more boring by virtues of his strong beliefs against ermmm.. "anything immoral". spencer will be cool too.. the only girls i think i would love travelling with are ms urine and actually sana isnt too bad too. this is jus gut instincts and may be wrong of cos.

Or lastly, travel with my niece and parents. parents are BORING. i remember i travelled once with them to genting when i was 13 or 14. horribly horrendous trip. still recall the time i called urine and spent so much time and ringgit chatting with her just to will time away. my parents were at the casion. major surprises huh? still rem that 1 of the soccer game contains my name in 8 of the top 10 list for top players. i blew so much money on that game. so why parents?? ohh becos they PAY for everything. duh.. if not why would i wana travel with them? muahhaha.. but i guess as i gets older, the stigma and unwillingness to travel with them is eroding at a rapid pace and it suddenly dun seems daunting afterall. plus i got my niece to play with.. ohhh how i miss her...

Yesterday i witness 1 of the best soccer finals of all time. call me biased or simply myopic. jus becos its between liverpool and westham(my fav and 2nd fav team respectively) shouldnt mean its good right? wrong. the game ebbs and flows at a rapid pace. when i saw west ham scoring 2 ridiculous goals thru carra og(how unfortunate!) and a calamitious mistake by reina(how clumsy!!), my heart sank.. even though hammers are my 2nd fav team, im a pool till u die fan.. then cisse who could control a ball, scores a gem! volleying past the hapless hislop with a stupendous 40 yards through ball by stevie g (who else huh??). its game on liverpool.

Half time.

Start of 2nd half. the onslaught im sure pool will be launching was not evident in the beginning. true be told that west ham nearly score. reina redeems himself with 2 blocks on goal. but pool worked its way back into the game and deservely equalised with STEVIE G!! collecting a knock down from crouchy, he lash a unstoppable shot to the top left hand of the keeper's corner! 2-2!! then konchesky cross the ball and it strangely eluded everyone and nestled into the net! what blasphemy!! 3 freak goals!! pool rallied and tries to find a way past the stubborn hammer's defence. didi, konkramp and moro came in for kewell, crouchy and alonso who looks really really tired.. with seconds to go before the ref blew the dreaded final whistle, the ball found its way to stevie from 35yards out. if you are a hammer fan or player, the LAST person you want to see lurking there is stevie. he took a run and simply shot a bullet in. no chance hislop! the ball was so vehemence that it sped right in to the bottom right hand corner. WORLD CLASS goal! simply sensational and unstoppable..

Extra time.

Both sets of players are almost limping by now. the exploits of the game is taking to them.. cisse was in constant torment, stevie laid down crutching his thigh. sissoko nearly pass out near the end. harewood was a walking corpse. hammers had the best chance to settle the tie. another fluke cross threatens to find its way into liverpool's net once again. the 2nd best defence and the team with most amount of cleansheets nearly got craved open again.. reina rushed back and with every inches and centimetres he possessed, leap into the air and jus finger tip the ball onto the post. it rebounded out and hypia panicked and make a meal of the clearance. it fell to harewood who could barely walk and it showed on his attempt. he skewed the open ball wide instead of the inviting unguarded goal..

Penalty kicks.

Lottery of PK. honestly i can tell both teams are glad that its pk time. i had never seen 2 teams that seem so relieved that it have to go to this 12 yards kick and yet looks almost contented. for a moment before the end of the game, i was disgusted pool did not attempt to attack but jus pass the ball around with almost no interference from west ham. they were really tired and i could swear that behind that strong facade the players portrayed, many was almost weak and trembling with pain and tears.. PK time. reina came to liverpool rated as the top pk stopper. stopped 7 out of 9 pk in his last season in spain. its reputation enhancing time. and save he did! he saved from everyone except teddy's attempt which im sure he will put it in anyway. teddy dont miss from that distance. its risse to win the final. he shot it in the middle and coupled with reina saving again from ferdinand (he saved 3 out of 4), the cup belongs to the mighty reds!

Post match.

I was really exhausted from the match. was shouting, cursing, praying, gesticulating etc at the same time. was shivering, panting, shaking and sweating. this is a top notch match for entertainment. a real gem of a game. it had everything. underdog taking a commanding lead through mistake from the most reliable of defender in europe. worldclass goals. lucky goals. passion. heart. breathtaking saves. unpardonable misses. cute guys. heck the only thing missing is a naked female streaker.. no teams deserved to lose this. they were both winners and heros in my eyes. west ham had just cemented its standing in my heart as my 2nd fav team. and liverpool?? You will never walk alone! pool till i die..

Pss: i know most ppl wont get to this part. must have simply switch off when i start writing about soccer. trust me though. it was a classic. aniwae im not a bad soccer writer right?? TNP or straitstime, i am the guy you are looking for. David the soccer columnist.. =)

Prague (06-04-06 to 09-04-06)

Buzzing crowd

Prague

Old town square

night view of castle

Theatre

Charles bridge

street in prague

Double headed snakes..

As i tussle about on my bed, my mind was in turmoil. as words from CP and christine keep replaying on my head, i understand the proverbial poison tongue. as you would had known that there are 4 singaporeans in warsaw from smu. 2 of them are simply too bitch and bastard that makes my blood boils at times..

They are spreading malicious and completely unfounded rumours about me. jerel was the other day telling ppl like his prof and CP what a womaniser and flirtatious bastard i have being.. the funny thing is that he had NEVER went clubbing with me (cept for the first day he was here and i was funnily mostly with him that nite!) or see me with any other girls. CP was angry and asked him to name scenarios of me doing those things he said im guilty of.. he thought for awhile and replied the way i treat cora. CP asked what is it that i mistreated cora of? he replied noncommitedly "just like that la".

Cora was another double headed snake that irks me no end. the reason why i shun them nowadays is i simply cannot live with such ppl. pretending to be sweet and chummy with you while taking every available opportunity to speak ill of you. she told christine what sort of guy i am blah blah blah. ok i admit i tried to make passes at her b4. but here is a girl who talks about sex like no one biz the first day we met. here is the ger openly proclaiming her sexuality. and here is a gurl who wanted to bring condom to poland for usage.. kuba and bartek can surely tell u more about her. what im trying to say is i am no saint.

This i had admit long ago and its pointless even to rebut that. i pride myself of being honest and not do anything scheming. i WONT hook up a girl if she is unwilling. i WONT hook a girl when i am attached. so tell me now ladies and gentlemen, is it wrong for a guy who is single to go out knowing girls? is it wrong for a guy to accept propositions if the girl wants it? so its the guy who is the horny bastard while the girl is sweet and demure and is therefore innocent? ha. this is really bullshit.

They claimed im always with girls and stuffs.. funny that I am almost always with ppl like CP and thoma and jan and kirk who are almost all 100% male? ok i may portray myself as a flirt and stuff. but ask my exs or ask my friends-true friends, have i EVER betray them? do i hang around only with girls and had double treatments for guys and girls?

When ppl like christine and cp( and im pretty sure that there are others) told me what they said, im tornt between going to approach them and punch them or at least seek a clarification or justification for their skewed analysis of me or to stay calm and reassure myself that my real friends will not believe them. i choose the latter option. not that i fear the confrontation or stuffs but i believe im make of tougher stuffs than that. moreover its true fucking fake myopic friends are around everywhere and i should not stoop to their level by harrashing them.

When ppl like CP and Shar rebut them, i am silently pleased.. i know that my action of non confrontation and let it be is vindicated. jerel happened to be a pious catholic. i wonder often whether bullshiting and lying is a sin.. by pretending to be holy and religious, yet make unfounded malicious comments behind a person's back is almost laughable. wonder what bible has to say about liars and back stabbers..

I often think that their actions stemmed from jealously. have not they wonder to themselves that if i am the bastardly guy they judged me to be, why am i the guy who have the most friends here be it guys or girls? why am i the only singaporean invited for parties, bbqs, outings etc while they rot in their rooms? if they think that spreading such statements about me is going to break me, i think they should think twice. when they pretend to be knowledgeable and kind and westernised through their fake accents, they are actually becoming a laughing stock.

Popularity does not lie. sincerity and truth cannot be hidden. i somehow pity those who believe them too. they are actually imbeciles to believe another person words without seeing any substantial evidence for themselves. if they are somehow able to find a person that i took advantage of but is unwilling or unconcious (as i so called make them drunk), inform me. not only them but any of my frens out there.

I may be horny but i dare admit it. which guy got no basic urge to speak of. i do not want to hide and lie by pretending to be innocent and naive. however i do not do things against my conscience. and despite my unbearable desire to defend myself infront of them or to tell my friends how do they behave, i thought against it. because if i had speak ill of them behind their backs, i would be degenerating into their level.

I am only thankful to those who trust me and defend my name to them. as for them, let them get their just rewards for being a gossip monger by remaining obstracised. ohh how they must wonder why they were being left out...

Let us all remember Chia Thye Poh

Who is Chia Thye Poh? as the date of singapore's election become imminent, im suddenly hit by a bout of election's fever. how ironic that for the first time i am able to vote (last election was a walkover for my constituency), i am away in eastern europe.. anguish. i wanted to vote and make my tiny voice heard as i seek to do the basic responisbility of all citizens-to vote. but it was not meant to be. however unable to vote does not dampen my enthusiasm with all the rip-roar of electional activities being easily available from the internet. i become a keen spectator of all the on going events in my country.

Today I came across this name. Chia Thye Poh. i had never heard of this name before and what he had went through in his life. i guess the name Nelson Mandela would ring a bell more readily than this guy. however what he went through is by no means insignificant compared to Mr Mandela. Both are considered political criminals and thus held captive by their respective governments. Both believed in peace. Both fought for their beliefs. Both are punished for their beliefs..

In 1966, Chia with 8 other MPs decided to boycott the parliament. together they denounced the stranglehold that PAP had on the people and is becoming "undemocratic". they demanded the release of all political detainees and the termination of "undemocratic laws"-primarily the internal security act (ISA). together they were jailed under the ISA and were only released after they signed a decloration to renounce violence and cut ties with the communist party of malaya (CPM). Chia however was never released. he refused to back down from his beliefs. he was no communist and he was not violent. he rationalised that signing the argreement would imply that he is affilated to CPM and thus the allegations against him would be proven correct. thus he did not back down. This cost his 32 years of his life (22 years was in jail). He was only 25 when first jailed.

Silently he persisted. how he must had agonised on missing the best part of his life. the conflict between bowing to one's beliefs for freedom must had tormented him to no ends. he was a brave and obstinate chap who holds true to his ideologies. he did not conform to conventionality and threats when that would seems the easiest and best way out. in short, he suffered for truth. he was and remained a hero.

While Mr Lee Kuan Yew recieved all the acolades and rightly so for transforming Singapore from a backward country to one of the wealthiest and most brilliant utopian country in the east, Chia suffered in igominy. personally i held Lee in the highest esteem and i acknowledge his genuine love for Singapore. He is a patriot. but so is Chia. in our likelihood, they are rather similar. both love their country. both are courageous enough to take brave decisions. both hold true to their beliefs and refuse to cow in adversaries. both are heros in their own sense.

I still do not believe Lee would do anything deliberate for the detriment of Singapore. NO way is he such a guy. i do not know him personally for sure but how many sporeans do anyway? but looking at him weep when spore was forcefully detached from Malaya still render me speechless and poignant. this guy genuinely love his country. that scene could not be rehearshed. it is out of true love and unstingly belief that spore will suffer once out of the federation, that he weep. but he did not bowed. he did not kneel and beg malaya to take us back. despite the odds, he believe. so do Chia.

I believe Chia do not understand the magnitude of his predicament he was in. he believe that he will eventually be released since none of the allegations against him is true. however days turn to months. months turn to years. he faded into the distant memory as spore seen tremendous growth. how his aged parents must have miss him.. he must has surely being their pride. here is a graduate from the nanyang university. he was bright, young and smart. he had a wonderful future ahead of him. the world was literally at his feet especially at a time where literacy rate is low in spore. coupled with the fact that the growing economy would surely have a place for someone like Chia, he could back down and no one will begrude him that. no one but his conscience.

When he was finally released in1989, he was still not free literally. he was held in sentosa and allowed limited rights (eg. not able to speak freely to press or travel with restrictions into mainland spore). to add insult to injury, he was ordered to pay for his stay at sentosa. he was offered a job as an asst curator in Sentosa Fort. he turned it down as being a low govt employee would mean rescinding his rights to speak freely to media. he finally got his full freedom on 27-11-1998.

I was tremendously touched by this guy. who else would have shown such strength and perserverance even when the odds are stack so heavily against him? the worst feeling must have not knowing when he would regain his freedom, his rights. personally i have never question any of the govt's policies. they are regarded universally as one of the least corrupted, most efficient and best in the world. i feel that they does everything that they think is for the good of spore. i do not question their intentions. i however had doubts on some of their methodologies.

Holding a person without trial is akin to depriving a human being of his basic right. his right to hear and be heard. while in extreme cases (if the suspect is known universally as a terrorist that is extremely detrimental to the safety of the general public) this may be legitimate, this cannot be augmented in the majority of other instances especially in such a context.

While i lament the lost of such a patriot, this instance bring forward an impt view that the govt composition should be more balanced and more voices should perhaps be heard. the ruling party had done a splendid job so far and they DESERVED to stay in power. with walkovers, their continued governance of the country cannot be denied and neither should they be. the party is capable of leading us to greater heights. but we need more voices in the parliament to prevent such a tragedy from ever happening again. the people have a choice to be heard and they must know of every incidents that are occuring. i leave you with this poem that Chia found on his prison wall that strengthen his resolve, his beliefs.

"Ten years behind bars
Never too late
Thousands of ordeals
My spirit steeled."


Mr Chia Thye Poh, i salute you.

Staying level headed

This past week we had a gay party in my room. it was decorated in pink with pink lightings, pink toilet paper hanging from the wall and a flashing light illuminating throughout the room. its actually very very impressive. i was drunk after drinking too much from a concoction of vodka, wine and sprite(all the cheapest brand) and lay almost unconcious on my bed. the security came and the party was ended.

The next day we recieved an email from our SGH coordinator complaining abt the party(sabinki staffs had complained to her) and wanted us to meet her. its farnie how CP and botermann were dragged into this mess since there are so many more participants. but after meeting her and explaning to her, they decide to up the ante and take the case to the sabinki mgt as the coordinator think we are not wrong. i wrote an email explaining the wrong incident and is now waiting for the verdict..

Anyway next week i be going to krakow with the canadians(sana, rakmish and her mom). will finally get the chance to visit austwitch and maybe jus try envisage the horror that the former occupants had to suffer from in ww2. maybe i will get emotional but i dunno. simply have no idea what to expect..

The week passes and nothing much really happen after the euphoria of the party.. nothing much till last night. i was alone in the room and had nothing to do.. i decided to check my spore sim card and there is a msg from an unknown no asking me whether i wana do internship. my first thot was they must be from the RP side whom i did some part time work for them b4 i came over. i replied and just recieved a reply..

Its from charmaine.. funny enough last night i was showing botermann and claud her pic and they unanimously voted the other girls who carry a touch for me in the past to be more beautiful than her. somehow i dont agree. when i saw her face again during convocation close to 2 yrs ago, my heart aches terribly. when i saw her name on the msg, im totally lost again.. shitty right? as ppl close to me would have known dat my intention of coming for exchange in the first place is to forget her totally. somehow this is useless. its not going to work this way i guess. i truly hope to find someone special next. to get over the failure of her that is really causing me so much griefs.. i pine for her still to be perfectly honest and until i find the next special one, i guess i will always do so. i jus asked if she is that charmaine and if she is, she need not reply anymore to the sms. this is hard to bear even though it been 1.5yrs or so? for a relationship that merely lasted 2 mths and 6 days, i guess i should be long done reminisicing over the past. she was special. and no matter in the future, who comes into my life would have to deal with the fact the first time i totally felt true bliss of love, of waking up everyday knowing someone i truly love and who cared for me in the past is out ther, someone whom i will still give an arm or leg to help her if necessary, someone whom i truly wana walk a duck with is not her. but if that next girl can help me get over this sorrow, this pain and disappointment, she can be sure of my undying affections and love. how i wish for the day where i will recapture that special feelings.. that strange emotion call love that will surge up my body, rendering me breathless and in absolute euphoria. i continue to dream.