Another day in paradise

I thought im stronger, the year is brighter and things are starting to get rosier. i thought wrongly i guess. life is complicated isnt it? im partly to blame. in fact, i should shoulder most of the blame. if im less controversial, less emotional, less cranky and less dastardly, maybe just maybe my life will be simpler.

A interesting question that is on my mind. does being with the person first means he/she is the right one for you? is there something like a queue number where preferences are accorded to the person in the head of the queue?

I think i must be one of those guy who always get this rejection line.. "i like you but you are just too late.." is that comforting? to know im too late thou i qualify as a good suitor? cast your thought to a make belief scenario.. you were running the marathon. you cross the finishing line victorious. you hold your head high, pumping your chests in a show of euphoria. a person walk to you and said.. "sorry sir. the marathon was yesterday. if you were here then and clock this time, you would be the champion."

Am i supposed to be proud that i have the pedigree of a champion? or am i supposed to crouch at a corner and lament over my ill fortune? i hunch my back and deliberate.. should i change? i guess so. i cast my envious glance at alpha male like dh. he will never get into this shit. he is iconed as a bastard. so what? he doesnt get hurt nor confused. life is straightforward for him. in the middle of this whole life cluster, is his own self interests. selfish? nope. thats actually the rational way.

A friend told me im lonely. i think so. but i know the differences between a play fling and feelings involved actions. there were feelings.. there were heartaches.. and honestly, there is now a full bag of regrets. unrequited love.. i miss. i regret. i yearn. i pine for that sensation, that last night to be returned to me.