Staying level headed

This past week we had a gay party in my room. it was decorated in pink with pink lightings, pink toilet paper hanging from the wall and a flashing light illuminating throughout the room. its actually very very impressive. i was drunk after drinking too much from a concoction of vodka, wine and sprite(all the cheapest brand) and lay almost unconcious on my bed. the security came and the party was ended.

The next day we recieved an email from our SGH coordinator complaining abt the party(sabinki staffs had complained to her) and wanted us to meet her. its farnie how CP and botermann were dragged into this mess since there are so many more participants. but after meeting her and explaning to her, they decide to up the ante and take the case to the sabinki mgt as the coordinator think we are not wrong. i wrote an email explaining the wrong incident and is now waiting for the verdict..

Anyway next week i be going to krakow with the canadians(sana, rakmish and her mom). will finally get the chance to visit austwitch and maybe jus try envisage the horror that the former occupants had to suffer from in ww2. maybe i will get emotional but i dunno. simply have no idea what to expect..

The week passes and nothing much really happen after the euphoria of the party.. nothing much till last night. i was alone in the room and had nothing to do.. i decided to check my spore sim card and there is a msg from an unknown no asking me whether i wana do internship. my first thot was they must be from the RP side whom i did some part time work for them b4 i came over. i replied and just recieved a reply..

Its from charmaine.. funny enough last night i was showing botermann and claud her pic and they unanimously voted the other girls who carry a touch for me in the past to be more beautiful than her. somehow i dont agree. when i saw her face again during convocation close to 2 yrs ago, my heart aches terribly. when i saw her name on the msg, im totally lost again.. shitty right? as ppl close to me would have known dat my intention of coming for exchange in the first place is to forget her totally. somehow this is useless. its not going to work this way i guess. i truly hope to find someone special next. to get over the failure of her that is really causing me so much griefs.. i pine for her still to be perfectly honest and until i find the next special one, i guess i will always do so. i jus asked if she is that charmaine and if she is, she need not reply anymore to the sms. this is hard to bear even though it been 1.5yrs or so? for a relationship that merely lasted 2 mths and 6 days, i guess i should be long done reminisicing over the past. she was special. and no matter in the future, who comes into my life would have to deal with the fact the first time i totally felt true bliss of love, of waking up everyday knowing someone i truly love and who cared for me in the past is out ther, someone whom i will still give an arm or leg to help her if necessary, someone whom i truly wana walk a duck with is not her. but if that next girl can help me get over this sorrow, this pain and disappointment, she can be sure of my undying affections and love. how i wish for the day where i will recapture that special feelings.. that strange emotion call love that will surge up my body, rendering me breathless and in absolute euphoria. i continue to dream.