Vball camp 2009

Just back from vball camp today. Was really tired and the whole camp was a rollercoaster ride emotionally.

First day was relatively uneventful since its a stay out camp but day 2 was so different. Tensions was brewing during captain's ball game between the malays and the sec 3s due to supposedly rough play. I wasnt mad at all because competitiveness is good. After my talk to them, can see they visibly ease up on each other.

BBQ was really not too bad. Even though I flustered over the cleaning part, it turned up pretty well. The real climate was the camp fire. Good job with the fire from phil's part. We started off with the dance from the malays and agnes's group. Then began the real talk. I invited them one by one for a talk. Agnes was shy as usual so I switched to Shahida as she is the talkative and outspoken one. When she poured out her reasons for joining vball and that she hates the feeling of losing, tears were streaking down her cheek. Many a times, she choked on her tears. Then others came up to share and alot started tearing. Some sec 1s which I think is Caro was sobbing when I started to talk about them.

They knew I'm leaving vball to take charge of bball. They are upset over it and so am I. I didnt cry then but my heart was in pain. Especially when I think over my own sporting past and that I have never won before for my school, I felt really wrenched. Unlike them, I would never have another chance to put that right. I was and is still really sad.

A side event of some colleagues who lied to me about their travel plans ate into me last night. I could barely sleep 40 winks as I made checks on them at night. Thinking they might be cold, I off the fans. As I look at the dark hall with my sleeping girls, I really felt very sad. When they talked about my contribution to them, I felt both proud but more of upset knowing I can not do much for them anymore. Maybe its that I am too emotional like I always was but this girls are the first team I ever took. They are under alot of flakes for not performing and get jeered on by students and teachers alike for their supposedly inept.

When Jade spoke about me allowing the game to continue on day 1 though I developed sore eye and heavy rashes before rushing over to buy camp stuffs, or when I postponed hospital for my piles for them, I really was at a loss. I really appreciate and love them.

When they say they love me, I do hope they know that I care for them alot and I will continue to care for them. The journey together was alas too brief but which I will forever hold dear to my heart. 1 way or another, while they think I have make a difference in their hearts, they have made a massive difference in mine.

As I told them, the next time they push the vball cart to training with me looking on as the teacher IC of another CCA, I probably will feel lonely and weird. Those were my girls.

Hopefully the bballers will be equally endearing..