success

To all those out there who sent me their well wishes or came down to the wake to give me support, a huge thank you to you all. really appreciate your thoughts and company thru the period. THANKS.

Now is exam period and i jus came back from insurance course. as i was walking, i was wondering how excited it must be to graduate and start climbing the corporate ladder.. been hearing sob stories from so many ppl. from urine to jeremy, to poh, to clar to many others.. however im unduanted and remain optimistic about the career i will be forging in a year's time.

Of course im not saying that it will be a bed of roses or my friends' complaints are bullshit. i do know it will be challenging and it could lead to mental breakdown if u fails. the entree from now on might be thorny but i seriously mean NO harm or malice.

I realised a trend. a worrying pattern. most (i say all actually) of my friends who are unhappy of their jobs are in SMEs or smaller firms. firms with few prospect for growth or minute chance to get astonishingly rich. is it just me or what that unlike those in MNCs and huge corporation who also complained about red tape, huge workload etc, those in the smaller firms got more grouses? i feel that they are underpaid and overworked as opposed to huge firms which despite their workload, at least reward their employees with a fair wage.

I say to those that are unhappy to quit now unless u just joined the firm. ppl like yan. working in that company makes her haggard, stress, impatient, moody, frightful and worst, lower her confidence and esteem. for the pittance that my dear friend is getting, she is slogging her life for unappreciative boss and firm. i know it may not be that easy to find a crushy job with fat pay cheque but its DO-ABLE.

Send out those resumes to the big firms. plan your career route. i know my friends. most of them are not contented with mediocrity. how i know that? from their love life for example. they are still single despite opportunities unfolding.. why? because they fear shortchanging themselves. lets reflect back to the work arena. arent they shortchanging themselves? i know my friends let me remind you again. some of them are capable. some are smart but all are commited workers. all will fight for their respective companies. i say why are you fighting for the companies only? fight for yourself. NOW!

Before ppl start to accuse me of being a lab rat that is a creature still in his comfort zone in school, think again. without flaunting my credentials, i say i am confident i will climb the darn corporate ladder. maybe the route to success is indeed difficult. but my friends have NOT failed yet. they are in their 20s. they have years of experiences in puny firms by now. i say its time we get out of this comfort zone and start to make a difference in your life.

I mean if we are going to get headaches and unhappy over our jobs, at least let it be for a phenomenal pay or promotional prospects right?

demise of my grandma

I wanted to scream and let up the sorrow i been containing. she was gone. just like that. my grandma is gone for good. i saw her limpless body lying there. her eyes were gone but her face was contorted. it was a sight i will never forget. i cried.

When i was at the old folks home, i thought of not only my grandma but those elderly residing there. how are they feeling that every now and then, the person next to them who was sleeping so soundly the night before is there no more? i saw a staff member silently wipe a tear that was cascading down her cheek.. i asked myself again. what type of job is this that they must face death at those they being caring for? and once the old folk is brought in, death will be an inevitable end. both the elderly occupants and their caretakers must be thinking the same. death is the old folks only way out of the home. i cried.

I saw her lifeless body lying on the stretcher. her face and body after being touched up by make up artiste, was a tranquil and peaceful sight. i struggled and choke with emotions. i held firm. i made my way to her. i touched her for the last time and whispered to her. goodbye grandma. tears form again. i cried.

Suddenly i think of the life she had led. she might never had been in love before. she might never felt the true bliss of family before. she never study much and she didnt achieved much. maybe to her, this life had been a real waste, a real shambles. my heart was pining for her. tears were pricking at my eyes. my head started to get heavy and the whole seriousness of this issue bogged down on me. she is gone and will never be back. i choked with emotions.

I saw plenty of relatives gathering. some cried while they saw her body. silent wails could be heard. i stared at the sky. pondering where she is now? is she smiling at me from somewhere and telling me subtly that she is fine and she has finally found her peace?

After awhile, the chatters and laughters resumed. seemingly nonchalent, most went about their tasks. the young laugh and played. the older grandchildren was forming a clique. the grown ups were discussing the circumstances of her death and possible 4d numbers that might be given from her to bless them. i wish to shout. i cant. im junior in ranking.

Can anyone understand how i feel? i doubt. personally i dont know too. guilt of not doing enough, comfort at her release from pain, sorrow at the thought of losing someone who is so dear to me, i dont know. i know something for sure. in time to come, she will be a passing memory for all those concerned. looking at the scenes during the wake, her being forgotten and left behind by all would be a distinct possibility in a not too distant future. i cried again.

I miss you and if there is ever a chance again, i say..
Please let me be your grandson again.
RIP Grandma aged 82

Nightmare in double o..

I keep harping on how trustworthy i am at promises and how much i value them. it suddenly dawns on me i being breaking alot of promises. to worshen things, i break the promises made to arguably the most important person of all.. me. i promised myself to drink less and stop clubbing for some time.. but nope.. my resolution last till a mighty 12am before i succumb and meet up with yanz and the rest including mh.

Officially declare mh as the girl that all guys should strive to have. matches looks with nice characters.. there are pretty faces out there but not all are both nice to look at and eludes wonderful personality.

When i got there however all of them are drunk.. level of drunkness as followed.

Ziliang > 9.5/10
Mh> 9/10
Qimin> 8.5/10
Yanz and GY> 7/10

they went off first in zl's posh mercs. his a nice chap and his RICH. nice catch. wont begrudge him if he manages to win mh. he deserves her anyway..

I stayed on with hunky.. went off for awhile and when i went back to the dance floor, i had a hard time locating him. when i am finally done, its scary.. he was dancing with 2 girls. both are not attractive especially one who looks straight away at home among horror shows. she is the top 3 ugliest/horrendous girl in the dance floor.. i was mortified..

At first it was alright.. i was dancing with the not so attractive but not so scary girl. she is tall so i can try imagine she is caixia. so i closed my eyes and danced with her. feeling is PASSABLE. guess what? she told me her friend need to go off. im like okae.. i wont miss alot anyway.. BUT here is where the real drama unfolds..

The horrendous top 3 ugliest ger ask wc whether she can swop dancing partners (to me!!).. when wc proposed to me that, i was aghast.. i cant say no cos its like damn bad for her.. so i agreed BUT i was standing at a distance away..

She move closer and closer to me.. held my hands n dance.. she smiled at me and the extent of her ugliness astonished me. she got bad bad teeth. dont be evil i think.. trying to block out all imagery.. i shut my eyes and tried to think of someone else.. fantasizing that its some hot babes im dancing with..

It didnt help.. suddenly she grab my butt and pulled me closer towards her.. her ample bossom heaving against me.. i was almost in tears.. too distraught to rationalise properly, i started to weigh my options.. ahhh.. maybe i can sms zhu to rescue me from this doldrum.. i sms her but freak she didnt reply.. she wld later blame me for giving her too much alcohol thus rendering her.... high.

DAMN.. seconds passed.. my heart was pounding rapidly.. blood and feeling was rapidly being drain out from my manhood.. i started to feel weak.. i pondered again.. tried to send out a sos signal to wc.. he was in estacy dancing with the not so ugly girl. he even shifted somewhere else for "optimum pleasure" i supposed.. i crack my brain struggling to come up with a solution that will not make the girl too embarrash but yet rescue me from this predicament..

Suddenly a frightening thought came to me... What if.. What if there is a SMU friend in the club?! what if someone saw me dancing with THIS girl... oh my... my conscience and thoughtfulness of not embarrashing her ended then. i CANT be seen with her. my future happiness will be in ruins. NO ONE will ever want to be associated with me again. PERIOD.

I recollect my emotions and mustered every single bit of bravery, i excused myself saying the classic excuse of going to the toilet.. i add in a "dont worry. i be back soon" for optimum effect. i used to get this sort of excuses quite often too.. of course i WONT be back.

I went to the toilet.. changed my mind as there was no pee anyway.. hovered around the drink area.. plotting my next step.. should i go back?? should i sacrifice myself for wc?? i think not.. i went to zhu.. and stayed with her.. soon wc came to me and told me a totally amazing, improbable news... the 2 girls had moved away..

Apparantly the fat ugly girl is......... attached.. Grasp... Kill me right now..

I puke..

Went to MOS on sat. last time i went think only i stayed sober.. on sat, only i get drunk.. damn.. puke in the taxi and was feeling aweful the next day. its official.. gin tonic is the worst drink u can put inside your mouth. give me herbal tea anytime. its that horrible..

Worst alcohol ever list
(1) Gin Tonic
(2) Absynth
(3) Bourbon coke
in descending order..

not only sat was damaging to the liver, its equally damaging to my wallet. damage done? $200.. back to poverty mode.. damn.. plus i too lazy to go office to do my case. its taking a freaking long time. damn pissing!!