memories of my friends

Yay.. im officially back in insurance. finally i can start to bug ppl again. license to bug. went clubbing twice this week. on fri i went zouk with haolun. later rob turned up and we went drinking at caesers. damn the cute teacher is not working there so oh well... we stayed till closing and after that we went to my place to sit at the neighbourhood and drink. its being a long while i felt tipsy. hl was as usual knock out cold and was lying on his chair. rob and i continued our relentless pursuit for glory. you see. we have yet to finish the competition who is the tougher drinker. he representing germany(since he went there) and me of cos turning pole for a moment. same competition same result. no clear winner again and we have to settle this some other time. damn. but honestly he is tough and i might have met my match.. tsk.

Hmm.. in my bordom and quest to dissipate the bordom creeping up, i went and read about addonion's blog. as usual, its littered with the "wo ai ni. ni bu ai wo. i love god" entrees. no slights to him but maybe he need to diversify. then suddenly something hits me.. this bugger is pretty good at writing poems or rythmes or what so ever u term it.. hahaa.. so it makes me wonder. i must challenge him so here is my attempt to try beat him. its called "my friends"

He is fat. he is hairy.
he can get pretty damn funny.
He loves to eat. he loves to pool.
worst thing of all, he doesnt like liverpool.

She is my buddy ugly or not,
she seems to think i am cock.
i used to wonder why is she single
den i realise legs too big, hard to mingle.

He is short, strong and stocky.
he is filled with many injuries.
Take a camera, point and shoot,
he is damn good picturing u look good.

He wear specs, is skinny and fair.
he love his girls slender and long hair.
He is decent, doesnt watch porn,
if he is not careful, he will die a virgin.

She jogs, rows and swims,
she is however not yet so thin.
She is nice but scare of mice.
I wish she will forever be with that guy.

She is short, aloof and strange,
you'll never know what is she thinking.
One time shouting, one time silent.
I used to see her as a sex siren.

He is smart and being to germany,
oh yes ur right, he is volleyballer robin.
he loves a muslim and she loves him,
a tricky relationship, lets pray he gets to keep his skin.

He dig, spike and set,
he is always soaking with sweat.
used to hate him, wana beat him,
Now i find him refreshing as a mint.

I got many many friends,
but i got to end.
If you are not named,
dont get too peeved.
Its not that i dont love or value you,
Just that i need to stop now and go to take a piss.

Part 2 of hit posting

After the relatively success (alot of frens msn me to congratulate me on my blunder and all were relatively euphoric at my worst attempt to date a girl out. period) of my previous entree "I saw, i went and i screw out", i had the misfortune to type the 2nd part of the entree for your collectively amusement now.. drumrolls... tadammm..

I though i might never contact her again least meeting her. i did however and did i fare better this time round? i dont think so. a blunder of nerves again and i shink deeper into self-destruction at least when pertaining to chasing her that area. sigh..

After that debacle, i thought hard over it. should i let it go and curse myself for being a premature loser or try again and risk being a perpetual loser? tough choice when the ultimate end results seem to resonate the same thing.. a loser.. i hate that term but miracle still exists. or so i thought.

First i msged her again. itchy fingers and the unbearable urge to contact her again gets the better of my pride and clouded my judgement. her replies were normal but thats good as it mean she still treats me at least as a friend. in fact her sms stirred me into actions as i seek to try win her over again.

Last night, we all (meaning urine n min) went out again. mei hua came along i joined them late. i know the vballers are not going to be pleased since i pang seh them for this outing.. i also did not try to meet my swedish girl. i know im chee hong but rest assured.. its only cos its her i do this. other girls, i will never miss the vball meeting... hope the vballers are not too crossed with me cos i think they may be.. sigh.

So did i enjoyed our meet together? im tornt to answer this. on one hand of cos im happy to see her again and etc. on the other hand however, i further didnt cover myself in glory with my stupidity and abysmal performance again. i couldnt look at her or talk without stuttering.. its so freaking frustrating when i knew im not like that in reality..

I think she might be looking at my blog soon. i am actually a little bit confused on what to write. hmm.. i guess i will not pursue this further le ba.. some may asked.. what can u promised to someone who is already working, of a marriageable age while u continue to be stuck in the rat chase for a piece of paper?? i thought long and hard over it.. i suck at talking face to face i guess (to her i mean)..

So if she happens to look at this, these are the rewards she will get for accepting me(should a miracle happened)..

1 = lots of love, care and concern
2 = free flow of hugs and kisses
3 = understanding and a shoulder to cry on if the need arises
4 = 50% off all insurance products (since thats the comm i be getting)
5 = a driver to her favourite destinations for 2 years. contract to be renewed after that
6 = secrets on urine, min and everyone else in nbss for her amusement
7 = 2 workdays unless she want to meet more
8 = lots of pressies
9 = medical benefits (cap at the maximum of my bank account)
10 = travel visits annually (subjected to my bank account balance again)
11 = her punching bag if she gets frustrated in work
12 = promises to dress up, talk sensibly (no crapping and making a fool of myself) during the presence of her friends and remained in shape till age and beer gets the better of me
13 = others terms are negotiable (stop at 13 cos its my fav no)

As you can see, she got herself a very very good deal should she accept my application. i doubt so she will bite the bait. for readers readying themselves for a part 3 version, i guess they be disappointed.. the rot stops here. i am a person not highly noted for my patience. as i can sense no interests whatsover in her of me, i shall count my losses and retreat. a defeatist mentality no doubt.. but when faced with such a formidable adversary, you need to do some soul searching and infer. is there a possibility of the result u want to ever materialise?

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. i guess i took 3 steps already. the path ahead is fraught with uncertainties and almost certain failure.. i guess i am not the sort that will wana trawl a thousand miles b4 i concede defeat.. i will concentrate on making money now le ba..

Pss.. If you are the one im describing about and thinks im very wrong in my assessment, my mobile is on 24/7 to accept that sms.. thanks.

AFPA

I have had feedbacks from some of my blog readers.. they seem to unanimously agree i should stick to writing comedies and shun away from tragedic tales. i was shocked.. how on earth could they expect a guy who is fast earning a reputation from being a failure in love to excel in writing about hilarious accounts? would i have so much happy stuffs to blog about? then it hits me and suddenly the picture becomes clearer and less hazy. they did NOT say they want me to blog about happy incidents. they want me to pen about FUNNY incidents..

So tell me what constitutes good ol' funny incidents? these elements must be present. first, they must be a good plot. in layman terms, there must be a flow and twists in the story are encouraged. second, they must be a woman on board. uh huh.. they seems to believe my whole world is revolving around the female gender. technically speaking however, they are not wrong in stating that. tsk. third, there must be a victim and in almost ALL cases, that victim would be yours truly- ME! fourth, the more embarrashed, upset, hurt, jilted etc etc i felt, the better. thats called something like "put stones in the well" or just luo jing xia shi.. so there u have it. the necessary ingredients to generate laughter abeit at my expenses..

I happened to have this unfortunate and most shambolic incident cursed on me just now. to urine, it was funny.. it tickles her funny bones but torment my soul.. what happened??

It was a sunny and bright day. today is Singapore's national day. at the inquest of urine, i followed her to watch the parade. i couldnt forget my first parade. i found my first gf.. i was so touched by the singing of anthems, something stirred in my heart and i remembered being so proud at being singaporean for 3 full hours. to cut it short, that was a perfect parade then. i had high hopes that this time round, it will be good too. to cut things short, it didnt. and this particular incident contribute to no small part in that..

The door was about to close. The bus was choke full of passengers but typically Singaporeans' behaviour dictate that at that sudden moment, someone had to make a dash for it and hell yah.. i was right.

An old couple boarded the bus. male suspect-- around 60 years in age. old, tasteless(later i shall explain why) and horny. female suspect-- chinese(china chinese), 40 oddish in age, fat and repulsively ugly. hold your swearings at me for being superficial. i betcha will symphatise me and send me your condolences later.

The bus was packed to the seams. it was really uncomfortable. somehow something doesnt feels right but i just cant pin point what. uh har.... suddenly i realise what was troubling me.. its that fat lady behind me(female character). she was like grindling her humongous arse at my thigh area(ME as victim). conciously or maybe the bus was too packed caused her to perform this heidous act on an innocent boy(me again).

I was really really uncomfortable.. twisting and jostling for a better (further away from her) space, i turned around and was back facing her. huge mistake. this seems to stir and galvanise her into actions. packing every ounce of fats and calories into her that huge arse, she was literally backing into me, her arse against my back. yuckz~

As the bus roars ahead, she started to gyrate against my back. i was in shock. so this is how you feel when you are violated.. i struggled to keep my tears in check as the gravity and magnitute of the situation unfolds.. i was being molested in the freaking bus by a fat, ugly, obnoxious, ugly, fat, replusive cheena chinese AUNTIE! in the presence of everyone (including the old blind uncle who has prolly "bao" her. this explains why he is blind as im pretty certain that those sweet young things in vietnam are gazillion times more appealing than the one he was carressing and trying to kiss! fuck! but oh well.. niche product for niche market so i shall not question his taste.

there was a particular turn. it was not too sharp and the bus was NOT travelling at break neck speed.. this fat, ugly, replusive, obnoxious, heidous auntie conveniently felt that the bus was too fast and shaky for her to remain still. like a huge ball of fats, she proceeded to bump into me continuously for maybe 30 seconds. oh those sceptics out there may question, how tough can that 30 seconds be? its mightily long! every second was inching forward at a sub-sub micro second rate and i nearly, very nearly puked.

Urine was either oblivious to my misfortune or she was just to smug and gloating over it silently. she even asked whether i can stop turning cos she doesnt want to smell my arm pits. as if she can smell anything bad especially since i already sprayed oddles of Hugo Boss Emotions on me.. damn.. it could have being that fat ugly lady smell.. must be!

Before i proceed, i must hasten to add.. i got nothing against fat people. in fact i love them as they give me confidence in myself so NOPE i am not AFPA(Anti Fat People Association) member. nor am i against old couples trying to kiss in public. i might consider them soooo sweet if they had just kiss in the park away from my view. i am definitely not against china gers.. some are drop dead cute (eg. zhang zi yi) and nice (eg. one former classmate of mine in TP). okae maybe i dun really like those with armpit hairs.. but im OKAE with it if they dont let me see it. that prolly keep them warm in winter anyway and i am not against grindling each other.. i do this in clubs with girls too and yeap i do enjoyed that.. BUT BUT BUT.. I AM TOTALLY ABSOLUTELY 100% AGAINST FAT, UGLY, OBNOXIOUS, OLD CHINA AUNTIE GRINDLING ME!!!

Ok my stand had been adequately clarified i hope. finally i can see utopia. i can see light. the bus came to a halt and the door opened.. the old uncle tried to hug her before letting her go as if afraid some knights in shinning armour will come and take her prize possession away. he can keep her im sure.. but then again, she can keep him too.. good combi.

I garner my remaining strength and walk out from the bus. tears was beckoning in the horizon as i contemplate my fate of being violated by someone like her.. shall i report this to police? i am too shy for that.. so all i can do is to hung my head in shame and check my emotions even though i am the victim here. sigh.. tragic..

Reflections

Hospital (building for the treatment of the ill and injured)

That above is the definition provided by Times-Chambers dictionary. All of us think we knew the meaning of hospitals. Do we? Behind that gray building and facade, do we honestly understand the true meaning of hospitals? Behind that wall, can we sense the sorrow and tears of families whose kins and friends had departed untimely? Can we soak in the elations and jubilations of those who have make a recovery miraculously?

3 days ago, when I was there to visit my granny I saw this old lady. laying motionlessly on her bed with every bit of her breath and life being drained relentlessly from her. Today she is no longer there. She had gone on to the next stage of her destiny.

To my granny's left laid an indian lady. She is always in a foetus position. Coiling up her body. She looks terrible, even scary. Stare closer at her eyes. You saw a twinkle of hope. No one had visited her while I was there but her eyes seem to resonate hopes and bliss. Strange. Fact could be stranger than friction. I do not know what she is suffering from but should not be too good. Still i felt hope when I stood near her. Strange.. but true.

My granny laid on her bed. Her command of her limbs seem to be slipping away with every passing minute. She seems so tired. Tired of being awake. Tired of her fate. She lies in wait of the inevitable..

Mother (the female parent; to give birth to, to care for)

She is the person that concieved a child. The person who carried a child in her body. The person who fend for you. The person you count on.

She laid there on her bed. For the umpteenth times, she tried to sound nonchalent and asked, " Ah Pong de zou si mi? jia gu bo kua diao yi liao." Ah Pong is her eldest son. Since she went into the old folks home 3-4 years back, he had never went to see her before. You see.. He hated her. It transpired that he felt she had let her down when he was still a child. The grudges and hatred he bears is still so strong, it chokes and suffocates him and render him unable to come visit her.

Unable to come visit not just any lady but his mom. The person who had carried him and who surely cared for him despite his misgivings towards her. What happened years ago should be buried by now. What hatred can one carried so strong that prohibits you to visit you mom for the last time. The last time before she lay to rest forever.. Will you miss her then?

Anguish (severe physical or mental pain)

Must be anguish. Intense unbearable anguish. Cancerous cell ravaging her body and shutting them down one by one. Started off at a canter, now at a voracious speed. Pain must be surging throughout her body. She quiveled silently in pain on her bed. Tucking herself tightly under her quilts to get just a little bit more warmth, a little bit more respite from that killer disease. She is fighting courageously in a battle she can never win.

Mental pain. Mental anguish that you are going to leave with your eldest son bearing such intense, malicious hatred towards you. Anguish that you could not turn back time to alleviate the couldrum of hate that stills simmer while you last on your last legs. Anguish that you might had just lived your life in vain. Anguish.. abound.

Tears (drop of liquid forming and dropping from the eyes)

I shed them. Large droplets of tears that came about from pain, laments and vulnerability. Wanted to help that person so dear and precious to me who is in turmoil. Impossible to help. Unable to do anything but watch her remaining life sucked out of her body.. Like the metaphoric gold fish out of the fish tank grasping for breath in a vain attempt to stay alive.

I weep. Tears forming freely on my eyes and cascading down my face. I wept in sorrow. in anguish.. For her, I wept again.

Death (process of dying, end of life)

Surely the inevitable result by now. Its a matter of when and how. Whether she will get to fulfilled her last remaining wishes of recouncilling with all her children or died not able to fulfill them. The next stage should be paradise. It must be paradise. This leg of her life had been too painful for her. She must go on to somewhere better. Somewhere she really belongs.. May she go in peace.. my beloved grandmother. Tears roll down again..

I saw, i went and i screwed up

As the title suggested, it was a tragedy in the making. if you are the emotionally weak, you might wana turn away and stop reading.. what follows is a heart rending tale of a guy who saw his dream girl, went for a date and promptly screwed it up. *tissues pleasee*

1st July 2006
Today was the day i first saw her after many years. was not even supposed to be there. that night i had invites to 3 different outings. in the end, i opted for the seemingly most boring one. that is to go ktv with urine's motely clan of friends.

I laid my eyes on her. prolly smitten. she is not the kind you can say is a rare beauty or the babe with the hottest bod. she is not also the funniest one there since urine takes that accolade or even an acomplished singer. however something about that eyes is captivating.

those doeful eyes.. huge and round and definitely lively. if eyes are the gateway to one's soul, her soul must be pure and innocent. sent her home and did not ask for her number. what for? i in any likelihood will never get to be with her..

About 20th July

Finally muster enough courage to ask for her no from yanz. she was busy and couldnt come out. its ok. i will wait and bid my time.

24-29th July

Tried to ask her out but she is perpetually busy. what do you expect anyway? a 26 years old single girl, working, hot etc. possibility of her being free? low. or could it be she just did not want to see us anymore.. i remained hopeful.

30th July

The impatient and reckless side of me reared its head again. im sick of waiting for something that dont seems like happening. harnessing every ounce of my courage, i keyed in a msg. this is supposed to be an ultimatum. if she is busy again, thats it. i will never ever bug her again.

Miracles do happen it seems. she sms be back. "Yes im free. how about watching lakehouse tmr?" sounds good. sounds farking good matter of fact. with trembling fingers, i key back the reply. it screamed a resounding "YES!" my hopes were raised.

31th July

Judgement day. was pondering what to wear.. should i wear shirt, tee, polo or what? in the end, i went for the casual look. just anyhow wear a polo..

The whole day went by in a blur.. i was too nervous to think straight. finally the moment i have being waiting for arrived. its 4.45pm. rushed over to bugis and buy the tickets. movie name? lakehouse. good. romance show. should be good.

Seconds ticking away.. minutes wizzing by. no signs of her. stay calm david. stay calm. sms her to tell her im there and not to worry. take her time. good move. show u r patient. rush to 77th street to buy a simple accessory to put on my wrist. ha. but couldnt make it work. damn. waste my effort. nvm. the trick is to stay cool.

Tick tock tick tock.. is that the sound of the clock? or is it my heart beating fast?? let me hear it again.. i cant decide.. maybe both. shit im way too nervous. how can that be?? im not a prude after all. and this is definitely not the first time im meeting a girl. fark..

She finally showed up. though a belated entrance, my heart stopped beating when i saw her. somehow the crowd seems to slow down and time stand still. omg.. first impression.. she look abit older than i thought. her face seemed rounder. not as pretty as envisaged but something, something about her is so sinfully attractive. tried to wipe the ginger smile of my face. oh wait. is that a spastic smile instead?

"ok now where do we go?" i tried saying up to you.. no go. i cant behave like a girl. should be swift and decisive. must be a man.. "ohh how about can cafe? we can chill there." she agreed and off we go. cranberry juice for her, blackcurrant tea for me. nice.. colour matches.

we talked about everything. our past, the future(i dont mean OUR future), etc etc.. topics were gray and serious. i somehow cant find a joke. DAMN. im like named the joke dispenser and here? i got a mental block. am i like those famous composers and poets who suffered from inspiration blocks now and then? and at this cricitical time!? i cursed.. silently.

Movie time. not bad. sandra bullock is still cute. keanu reeves? oh well he is still keanu.. tragic. my heart began to beat irregulary and start to emit weird growls. is that jitters? or is that gas? fuck! tried to search for water... didnt find any. no sweets too!! and the fucking growling just wont stopped!! i start to "consolidate" my saliva.. once i had enuff in my mouth, i swallowed.. yeewz, yucks all you want.. this is crisis time. i cant sit there with weird sounds coming out from my stomach right!! i tried my darnest best to suppress it.. very very uncomfortable..

End of movie. dinner time. was thinking about steamboat but didnt mentioned anything. she said go down look. i said ok. once at the basement, she decided on yoshinoya. fine with me. i paid for her again though she seemed adamnant on paying. recalling may's advice, pay for everything. ok she is a bimbo that may but hell she is still a girl. i pay. anyway i always pay for girls so its nothing new.

Dinner was ok. mediocre food but when she is sitting in front of you, the food seemed so appetising. i polished the food off. went to take train back. should gotten a car. damn. no choice. no money and dad not back. make do with public transport.

On the train, we hardly talk. HARDLY. nothing to say. dont know what to say. its as if im transported back to the huimin's era. shy. lost of words. "next stop, yishun." should i send her back? i offered. she turned me down. i hestitated. should i follow and risked being irritating? should i stay put and maybe get condemned as ungentlemanly? i stayed put. somethings tell me that she is not keen on me sending her back..

The end. with that, it marks my brief sojourn with my dream girl. dream girls are just supposed to be that. remains in the dreams. i saw, i went and i screwed up.