leaving MI

Today was my last day teaching of MI. finally i typed in the key word MI so there would be higher chance of some random students finding out my blog address. How was my last day in school?

Well, i was really sad that this whole adventure had to come to a close. bena demanded to walk me to school today. i went to b8,a2 class and concluded the session with them. nope it wasnt emotional and we just took some pictures and thats it.

Went to gym and bball with the usual b7 guys. an incident stuck in my head and its really making me very very upset. when i tried to play vball with hj for awhile, the vball gers ask her to go join up with them. i know they hated me over the wendy's incident and she hated me too. do i regret what i have done?

The answer is an emphatic NO. i did what i could for her. giving her talks after talks, telling the combined class to bear with her and she mean no harm when she was distracting the class, pleading with her mom and sis and her vball teacher to continue to let her play on when she was asked to leave, asking the school to give her another chance as she is basically not a bad kid and whats more with some really good intelligence?

She threw the marker at me for fun which i know. however what am i supposed to do? i do need to maintain discipline in class isnt it? i have also told her before not to toe the line in class but she persist on. having a slight talent is nothing to count for in this school without sheer hardwork and a positive attitude. even then, i gave her a chance to write a letter which she took mc the next day.

Why am i so bothered with annal kids, childish and myopic in their vision? well.. its cos i care.. not only for her but for each and everyone under my charge. i treated them as my obligation, my responsibility. seeing how they waste their time away not knowing that so few of them would eventually make it, tears me apart. i truly from the bottom of my heart want them ALL to succeed so that no one will ever look down on the school again..

When A5 passed me the card they made for me, i teared silently. this class... i have a bitter love hate relationship with them. i dont hate them per se.. i dont hate or favor any particular class.. this class however i worried about them alot.. during my last lesson with them, i gave them a tight tongue lashing. they made me a huge card promising me that they will buck up for their exams and they want to show me they can do it.. as im typing that now, my eyes well up uncontrollably.. as i told them, im not asking for gratitude.. but if they can use my words to spur them on to greater heights, to success, to victory, i would be more than pleased..

Some students think im too emo at times.. too moody and sometimes too fierce. i can take the easy way out and ignore the troublemakers, but i refuse to. deep down, i refuse to give up the fight on them. i want them to win this race.. i dont know if i have done enough and despite the accolades and well wishes i have garnered from my many students, i am not even sure if im a competent teacher.

Something for sure is i tried my darn best to make it work. i just hope that i have touch someone in some way. even if they were to hate me, and channeled their disdain for me into strength to study, i will gladly buy that.

As i walked away from the school for possibly the very last time, i closed this chapter of my life. it had long been a dream of mine to teach. i have seen and experienced many things in this great adventure. from the bottom of my heart, i pray that each and every one of my students can find success. i humbly pray for them..

teaching

School has been fine... Actually fine is an understatement. i think it has been a great and enriching experience though not everything went according to plan. perfection might be just a myth aye? much talk about but seldom achieve.

I had a dream long before. i always want to try my hands in teaching and i finally fulfilled that dream. although it is only for a couple of months, i think this is the job i enjoyed doing the most out of all those i had done so far. in fact the last time i can remember having inundated fun and satisfaction during the course of work.

There were the bad moments. when you see your students threading the route that many of your peers had taken while in school, u felt upset, disturbed and more acutely disappointed. it is not easy for a student in the school to make it to university. despite statistics vindicating the mammoth task placed ahead of them, they remain indifferent and oblivious to it.

Some students commented that lately i like to put them down. i do not enjoy that. i want every single of my students in fact the school to make it from the bottom of my heart. there was this student. she is talented, chirpy and vivacious. however she lacks discipline and does not understand or realize the magnitude of a task facing her. she threw a marker at me. of course i know its a joke, a prank. for the sake of retaining control of the class, i have to act. i counseled her a number of times but to no avail.

She has since quited the school. deep down, i was smashed. i read her blog and now i'm her public enemy no one. am i affected too deeply by her hatred to me? do i regret my actions? actually i don't. i rather she leave the school now then to stay on for 3 years and flunk out. however it hurts me to see her wasting herself and her talents.

I scolded my students the other day. the thing about the students here is they give up on themselves too easily. they quit too easily. seeing a tough question, facing a tough course, encountering a tough teacher, they took the easy way out. they quit. however such actions not only fail to endear themselves, but its like a death note symbolizing their impending doom either from being kick out of school or eventually failing to make the grade to university.

I am about to go dubai. am i excited about the trip? not really. there is this dread in me that is gently warning me that i would regret leaving the country, the parents, the school, the teaching, the friends and also the students. some friends question my sanity and rationality in wanting to leave..

Its the opportunity and most importantly the promise. the promise to myself. i will give myself, my parents and my future family the best life ever. i want to make it big.. i correct the statement. i will make it big. if it calls for sacrifices, i guess i have no other choice but to grind my teeth and bear with it?

I will miss MI and my students. all of them..