au revior

Since I last posted a post years ago, life has taken on a significant change. I have married Ty and is also a proud dad of 2. I have also stopped my work as a PE teacher and now works as a manager in a bank. Now Im faced with the greatest sense of loss for letting go of a prized possession that I ever known in my life. A material possession. My source of pride, joy and comfort. My car the first continental car I own. Due to increase financial commitments from my kids and a reduced source of income from my wife, I have to come to this conclusion that letting go of the singular biggest expense in my life is the only way out. When I first got my Audi, I made a promise I will not settle for anything lesser in life. I spent huge amount of moneny pimping it to make it look even better. When I go to the carpark to kick start the engine, it gives me a source of enormous and unexplainable joy. When I go on trips or is unable to drive it for a few days, I felt unsettled. The time has come now to let go of the car my wife and I known affectionately as Mr Black. Letting go is tough. However it seems the only way out..

together 12/2/09

12th of Feb is a very happy day for me. I finally got to win TY's heart and we are officially together. Happy while I am, i cant help feeling insecure over this relationship.

The more you wanted someone, the more worried you are at failure. Just like me, she has a history of not being able to commit. Its not her fault as she is merely searching for the right one which I hope myself to be.

She told her family and friends about our status. While out the other night with the aussies, she held my hands in from of wil and roy. I feel and hope this is a sign of affirmation and that she is not shy in letting others know about our status. She asked for a couple ring to be worn and that further reassured me. However i do not know why but the lingering feeling that we wont last persist.

Last night she asked me about my past. Having a less than stellar past, I was apprehensive about telling her. She continue probing so I told her. I understated a few issues while trying to remain as truthful as possible. I am so afraid of losing her.

When i was not with her, i was upset and very disappointed. Now that we are finally together, i just fear that it will not last. If this is not going to work out again, i will be a completely tornt man. I will strive my hardest to make this work and hopefully we will remain happily ever after.

Happy vday ty.

vietnam trip

My trip in Vietnam has almost grind to an end. Now im merely 2 days away from home. Didnt spent a lot of time here. Only for 8 days all in all but its after all my maiden trip alone overseas.

It was boring at times but also enabled me to meet some new friends especially the locals. HCM is bewildering at first, with its high pitch language and never ending moto bikes. I got by simply by looking like a local. Thats where some inconveniences arised chief of which is that I'm always left alone. This is of course a double edge sword with the good thing that beggers and hawkers generally leave me alone.

I didnt travel to much place. Decided to camp in HCM other than a boring trip to Mui Ne which is admitedly nice but which you should go with someone else, preferably your gf. If not its going to be extremely boring as I spent my time in my relatively posh room (compared to my HCM room) watching TV and self amusing myself.

Tonight I should be going to party with some locals. Hopefully it will be good. Tomorrow night supposed to meet Nam who is back for more party. My last party as I'm coming home on sunday.

Then it will be good bye Vietnam and Hallo Bintan.. I be back in vietnam for sure though.

Vball camp 2009

Just back from vball camp today. Was really tired and the whole camp was a rollercoaster ride emotionally.

First day was relatively uneventful since its a stay out camp but day 2 was so different. Tensions was brewing during captain's ball game between the malays and the sec 3s due to supposedly rough play. I wasnt mad at all because competitiveness is good. After my talk to them, can see they visibly ease up on each other.

BBQ was really not too bad. Even though I flustered over the cleaning part, it turned up pretty well. The real climate was the camp fire. Good job with the fire from phil's part. We started off with the dance from the malays and agnes's group. Then began the real talk. I invited them one by one for a talk. Agnes was shy as usual so I switched to Shahida as she is the talkative and outspoken one. When she poured out her reasons for joining vball and that she hates the feeling of losing, tears were streaking down her cheek. Many a times, she choked on her tears. Then others came up to share and alot started tearing. Some sec 1s which I think is Caro was sobbing when I started to talk about them.

They knew I'm leaving vball to take charge of bball. They are upset over it and so am I. I didnt cry then but my heart was in pain. Especially when I think over my own sporting past and that I have never won before for my school, I felt really wrenched. Unlike them, I would never have another chance to put that right. I was and is still really sad.

A side event of some colleagues who lied to me about their travel plans ate into me last night. I could barely sleep 40 winks as I made checks on them at night. Thinking they might be cold, I off the fans. As I look at the dark hall with my sleeping girls, I really felt very sad. When they talked about my contribution to them, I felt both proud but more of upset knowing I can not do much for them anymore. Maybe its that I am too emotional like I always was but this girls are the first team I ever took. They are under alot of flakes for not performing and get jeered on by students and teachers alike for their supposedly inept.

When Jade spoke about me allowing the game to continue on day 1 though I developed sore eye and heavy rashes before rushing over to buy camp stuffs, or when I postponed hospital for my piles for them, I really was at a loss. I really appreciate and love them.

When they say they love me, I do hope they know that I care for them alot and I will continue to care for them. The journey together was alas too brief but which I will forever hold dear to my heart. 1 way or another, while they think I have make a difference in their hearts, they have made a massive difference in mine.

As I told them, the next time they push the vball cart to training with me looking on as the teacher IC of another CCA, I probably will feel lonely and weird. Those were my girls.

Hopefully the bballers will be equally endearing..

1007

That is the timing for my 2.4km run just now. Not too bad considering I havent been training for a long time. In fact of all the CHR staffs, I finished first =)

Today was a good day. After the run, the PE team and San min went to chomp chomp to feast and had a lot of laughters and good food. Good company and food do make my day. I was so fearful I will emerged last. Thankfully my pride is salvaged..

The only drawback to today's fun was during the morning cca survey session, one of the girls insinuate I'm biased. I'm quite unhappy that it has come from her considering I played her in the friendly game though she hasnt attend trainings for eons. But I have come to realise from past surveys done in MI, you cant please the whole world or students.

Thankfully the others are relatively supportive of me. =)

25/10/2009

It have ended. A whirlwind relationship that started so suddenly has ended equally abruptly. However the hurt seems manageable now and everyday seems to diminish the memories I have of her.

Watched (500) days of summer with urine and frog last night. Drew tons of parallel between the lead actor and myself with his notions and views towards love. Yes. We been through numerous in fact countless of breakups and dumping and be dumped by others. Each experience is however different and the lessons and hurt generated, varies consequently.

CHR volleyball played against Sembawang yesterday morning too. We were comprehensively beaten by Sembawang 1st 2 teams and only managed to salvage a glimmer of respect through beating their year 1s. Behind the tough façade I put on yesterday, I am genuinely proud of the girls and their behaviours.

They did not played the best they can. Do they even know what they are capable of? During the game, I ranted and shouted at almost everyone. Deep down, I could see the various improvements they have gained from the last game. To admit to them they played very well would be overstating it too. I have faith that these girls will continue to learn and progress as players and when they leave CHR for their next institution, they'll be able to be more competent players. Some might even start to win medals for themselves. For them to greet and cheer the Sembawang team after the game warms my heart too.

Perhaps this is why the volleyball girls will forever be close to my heart.

Day 4

Today is the 4th day I have not seen her. Think she should be in the states now. As I am marking the papers listening to countless love songs-mostly tragic ones, I start to pine for her and reminisces over our short and brief union. It was really good while it lasted.

Last night I slept well. It was due to the exhaustion of the MOE volleyball training. It was simply excruciating. However after the training, I was so spent that I am able to sleep through without missing her. Is that the only way that I can get myself to sleep without pining for her??

I wish to turn back time and permanently stay there. Of course I know its impossible so all I can do is push on and hope she will eventually turn back and return to my embrace. I miss her still.