musings
Very often in life, there will be individuals who u love and cherish dearly but does not reciprocate your love and those who did everything for you possible and does not expect any returns, but yet you turn a blind eye too.. i ask myself frequently. is it important to be with someone you love more or someone whom love you dearly?
Recently, 2 of my secondary school friends ask me out as they are experiencing problems in their love lives. they were seeking advice but its kinda contradicting that a failure in rs like me is dispensing advices. something about their tales drew me back to the time where i experienced both love and heartbreaks.. i knew inspite of what i told them, ultimately they will never have the courage to let go. are they cowardy for failing to acknowledge the failings of their rs? im not sure.. you see.. i was once like them.
I am perpetually grappling and struggling with the concept of love. dearly want to be love again but yet times and times again, i failed. pretending to be truly satisfied with my current lot is tough. i long for the day where i will fuss over my gf whether she eaten her dinner or whether she is having a headache. i pray for the day that when im joyous and triumphant, i can call someone to share with it. i miss the days where there is someone lying on my chest and listen to my heartbeat while i stroke wispful of hair falling over her face.. i missed being love and able to love.
While some may blame my self imposed "exile" from love on myself, either by setting improbable targets or backing off at the last minute after reminiscing over my past, this is not a deliberate ploy on my part. the next girl that enters my life must be the one. i can no longer comprehend the possibility of failure. though im merely 25, i honestly doesnt have much time left to make more mistakes ditto the heartbreaks.
Even though i honestly long to be love again, the career path and my future route being planned seemingly render being attached a liability. im going to lead a overseas community project next year. i also hope to secure an overseas internship soon. when i graduate, i might wish to see the world by being an air steward for a year or 2. all these travellings might complicate my life if im in love. i know myself well. if i am attached, i will no longer carry out most of these tasks.. will i blame myself then if my rs didnt work out? surely i wont be able to turn back time then and lose my opportunity to further myself abroad.
I hate to say this but i might be turning alcoholic. while i used to drink to fit in a group, i drink now because i like it. i like the feeling of feeling high. the swirling in your head, the pounding in your chest, the weakening of your limbs and most of all, the fading of memories abeit temporarily that you desperately seek to erase.
If i cant find a girl i love who love me back, which is better?? love or be love?
Recently, 2 of my secondary school friends ask me out as they are experiencing problems in their love lives. they were seeking advice but its kinda contradicting that a failure in rs like me is dispensing advices. something about their tales drew me back to the time where i experienced both love and heartbreaks.. i knew inspite of what i told them, ultimately they will never have the courage to let go. are they cowardy for failing to acknowledge the failings of their rs? im not sure.. you see.. i was once like them.
I am perpetually grappling and struggling with the concept of love. dearly want to be love again but yet times and times again, i failed. pretending to be truly satisfied with my current lot is tough. i long for the day where i will fuss over my gf whether she eaten her dinner or whether she is having a headache. i pray for the day that when im joyous and triumphant, i can call someone to share with it. i miss the days where there is someone lying on my chest and listen to my heartbeat while i stroke wispful of hair falling over her face.. i missed being love and able to love.
While some may blame my self imposed "exile" from love on myself, either by setting improbable targets or backing off at the last minute after reminiscing over my past, this is not a deliberate ploy on my part. the next girl that enters my life must be the one. i can no longer comprehend the possibility of failure. though im merely 25, i honestly doesnt have much time left to make more mistakes ditto the heartbreaks.
Even though i honestly long to be love again, the career path and my future route being planned seemingly render being attached a liability. im going to lead a overseas community project next year. i also hope to secure an overseas internship soon. when i graduate, i might wish to see the world by being an air steward for a year or 2. all these travellings might complicate my life if im in love. i know myself well. if i am attached, i will no longer carry out most of these tasks.. will i blame myself then if my rs didnt work out? surely i wont be able to turn back time then and lose my opportunity to further myself abroad.
I hate to say this but i might be turning alcoholic. while i used to drink to fit in a group, i drink now because i like it. i like the feeling of feeling high. the swirling in your head, the pounding in your chest, the weakening of your limbs and most of all, the fading of memories abeit temporarily that you desperately seek to erase.
If i cant find a girl i love who love me back, which is better?? love or be love?
posted by david at 9:36 PM
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