how wonderful hindsight can be?

Hindsight can be a really wonderful thing isn't it? The thought of turning back time when everything that went wrong is not a result of destiny but traces back to your own undoing. You wish desperately it is only a bad dream and you will awake wiping away the cold sweat that forms on your head and silently praise, "its only a bad dream".

Reality can be so cruel. If you can live your life again, what would you change? Plenty for me. Would I get a chance to relive my life again? I pray deeply into the night, hoping and wishing.. that it isn't too late after all.

I will be a better man if I can emerge from this crisis. I pray for a final chance. Please..

Musing at Doha

I'm sitting in Doha airport now awaiting my flight back to Dubai. The last few months of working in Dubai had drained the hell out of me. Indeed it knocked the stuffing out of me so much so I have decided to throw in the towel.

I will be heading back to tidy up the loose ends and tendering my resignation. My time in Dubai has been plagued by bad luck to say the least. Deciding to resign has not been an easy task. Beside the small matter of looking like a quitter, there is the problem of paying back 15k SGD in my car loan and advance for housing.

Ultimately, I am blessed that I have strong family and friends who are more than willing to help me up. Though my mom has whined about my initial decision to join Dubai despite her best efforts to dissuade me, she told me to leave the money part to her. Before leaving for Dubai, she constantly tried to pass me cash to ensure that my quality of life there will be okae. So too are my aunt and TK and Beng.

I went to BKK with Jason and had a smashing time. Knowing my financial predicament, he tried to pay more for the holidays. Also the usual suspects Urine, Frog, MK, Fat and even Short has sent me text messages to cheer me up. I guess the important lessons here is that at least I can still count on my family and friends.

Now is boarding time. I will go back Dubai and clear things up. Eagerly anticipating my return back to Spore and hopefully I can get into teaching again. I miss that so much.

Work

Work here is getting increasingly stressful and perplexing. I have to fend off angry customers who have their loans postponed for a long time before getting rejected, my staffs who have to run around to get applications but not only fail to receive their incentives but had to get abused by angry customers due to failed applications, management breathing down my neck for cases, constant changes of company's policies etc..

While I always urge my guys to stay focus and collected and that this would be over, plus high sounding words like "Only the best and tough will survive but once they do, the rest will fall into place", I am honestly getting jaded.

I'm working 6 days week and sometimes 7. Working hours are from 8am to maybe 6 or 7 or even longer depending on meetings and appointments. Cost of living is frighteningly high that I'm contemplating getting another loan. With no commission coming in, plus having to bring my guys around is increasing petrol costs and also having to pay for their food and drinks at times.

I keep telling myself it will be worth it and after 1 year, things will be better.. But will it?

First month in Dubai

Went to party with some younger Singaporeans last night and had a smashing time. Its the first time I party here so I guess it explains the novelty reason. I was completely beat when I got home at 4 plus in the morning as I had waken up early for badminton and the rest was playing cards at my hotel till late(Anthony bunked over in fact).

Again Carrie was drunk and was kinda silly again. Today marks the first month I have came over to Dubai. It also means I have to shift out of the apartment something which I am looking forward to. However as my own apartment wont be ready till 10th August, Charlotte and hubby kindly allow me to stay over with them. I would so much rather to move to my own place and dont inconvenient them.. But I dont have a choice do I?

I was watching "Remember the Titans" the other night and was choked with emotions again. The show is inspiring and even though I watched it for the 2nd time, I actually teared again. It reminds me of my own training while playing for the school and the camaraderie my team mates and I shared. I was also reminded of Ms Gan and my grand mother.

Time flies as I would have written this phrase for the umpteenth time in my blog. Still it frightens and perplexed me in no certain terms that once time passed, it will never ever be the same again. I remember being young and wishing I am old. Now I gotten my wish and is completely independent, I wish I was young and innocent with nally a worry in the world. Things will never be the same again.

As I see how the effects of time and age has on life, I was extremely worried that I would not be able to provide for my parents the most luxury and worry free life ever. I will not give up anymore. The main wish I have now is to climb the corporate hierarchy and provides for my parents a life that they deserve for toiling so long. I miss Jolene and Jovan alot too. Will they still remember me when I'm back?

starting of work

I've settled in reasonably well in Dubai. it isnt too bad minus the crazy rental prices and our pathetic pay. you know it would cost you minimum SGD 1,500 to get something decent? meaning either a studio in the WORST neighborhood or 1 room inside an apartment in a SLIGHTLY better area. tough choice isn't it?

The work is pretty simple for now. perhaps we are new and thus we didn't get much to do. i seriously think i am underpaid. they take me as a fresh grad thus entry level but i had years of experience in Prudential and Manulife. while not the best of agent, i had at least achieved the new fp award plus other certifications. here i saw a canadian guy working as a sales manager meaning 1 rung above me and maybe twice my pay who dont even understand the mechanics of insurance or even how to use a powerpoint. believe it or not, i was teaching him how to present to the rest and showing him pointers on the products even though i did not attend the product training. ironic isn't it?

Mert (a turk senior from work) brought us to a pub in crown plaza. pretty cool guy to chill with. not those cheong drinks dudes like terence, george or myself. he pretty much only drank 1 beer and nothing after that. perhaps thats y he drive..

I dont think failure is an option to me here. i reiterate. failure is NOT an option for me here. for those students who might be reading this entry, failure is not an option for you too. there is no room for sympathies in the world. you either make it or you dont. the world will never stop revolving just because a certain individual didn't make it. i wont fail. will u?

Day 2

Its day 2 in Dubai. Dubai shopping is AWESOME! That is to say the least. they are having summer sale now in most if not all shops. shopping malls are really huge. think vivo size for most malls and 2 vivos for some bigger malls like the Mall of Emirates (MOE). there is indoor ski mountain there. when i say mountain, im not actually exaggerating. the place is really suitable for skiing be it that you are an expert or novice. pictures of it should be up soon if you are keen to see.

Since shopping is so truly mind blogging experience, it is especially cruel to me. so many items are on red hot bargain. a mexx berms is maybe 30 sgd, a hnm tee is maybe 25 sgd, pure silk ties from woolworths (like mark and spencer) is only 15sgd! the list goes on and on..

Food is not as expensive as feared. trick is to go to smaller alleys and eat at places most tourists wont think of going. carrie and i went to deira today and we were famished! we walk and walk but there are no restaurants. suddenly i spotted some gas tanks, those huge ones you use for cooking. we made our way inside the alley and came across a small little eatery.

A briyani like dish with maybe 2.5 bowls of rice serving of basmati briyani rice, half a chicken, salad, some curry like thingy, soup and ice water cost the equivalent of 6sgd. needless to say both carrie and i couldn't finish our meal.

We cooked dinner at home. cabbage, eggs, meat and bought a roasted chicken from carrefour. total damage? about 30AED meaning about 13sgd.. not bad for 3 person huh? there was this crazy cab driver who was arguing with another driver for the right to get in (1 wanted to get in, 1 wanted to get out). they both refused to go away and were really about to come to blows. finally our cab driver gave way and they gesticulate and swear abit BUT our hero driver refused to let go. he might had suddenly felt ashamed that he backed down and gave way so he drove round and round looking for that driver.

I was getting annoyed and boosted by my gym training, i asked if you dont want to drive us, let us down. he didnt answer us but he drove us to our destination. think carrie was quite spooked by it..

So the 3 of us (with francis- a sporean chap posted here to be a restaurant's manager) continue our adventure in the middle east. tomorrow is first day of work. first day work and its sunday. need some getting use to but im so excited about work. towards a better future! ganbatte!

Away from Singapore for a long time

Maybe you can call it jitters, maybe even fear. The fact is despite the gungho attitude i'm trying to impress on others, i am scared. I be leaving for Dubai tonight. The unknown is indeed scary yet pulsating.

Years ago, i set up this blog to tell about my feelings when i go over for my exchange in Poland. the mish mash of emotions that were going through inside me at that time. My experiences, my friendships, my adventure and my life were all noted down for remembrance. Time truly flies as the generation old adage will attest to it. I am now a graduate and is embarking on my first job. My first proper job.

Just like i had never thought my exchange will be in Poland, little did i expect my first job posting to be in Dubai. I was thinking more along the line of China, Hong Kong but Dubai? Never cross my mind. Reality can be quite funny isnt it?

I hate sending off. Inside me, i'm proud of the fact that i got well meaning friends eager to send me off. However i am too emotionally weak for it. The departure with the hugs, byes and tears really shaken me. My friends will know me as a very emotional person contrary to what my persona will suggest. Yes indeed by now, those who known me by now knows im emotionally fragile.

It is going to be weird that the next day i'm typing will be in a complete foreign land. I'll be leaving behind my parents, family, niece, nephew, gf, urine, froggy, beng, students and many many other buddies to embark on a new chapter in my life. This chapter i suspect will define the next part of my life. Just as i known the other time round when i go over to Warsaw, i know it now too. The good byes and adieu we are going to bid tonight will be temporary. I'll be back.

"I'm leaving on a jet plane. Dont know when i'll be back again"