reflection
Life had been pretty hectic for the past few weeks.. work, studies and lately relationship and friends been taking a toll on me. the eye bags in my eyes seem to morph into a glandula and my hair been turning white at an amazing pace.. am i whining? on the contrary im not..
This is a period when hard work is neccesitate due to the urge to do well. soon this will be over.. i will soon break free from the safe cacoon of the education haven and thread my first steps in the working world. though i have been working for ages, those are mainly menial and part time jobs that are best left unmentioned.
I have a problem. i like this particular girl whom i dont think i should be liking, rationally. but when is love ever rational? despite my best attempt to sound impartial and strong and determined in my previous posts trumpeting my stand of career first and love takes a back seat, WHEN am i ever rational?? this girl likes me too.. we been going out alot. supper, lunch, dinner, movie, strolling at bontanic garden, studying together, msn, phone chat, sms etc, we are doing it all.. why the troubled outlook?? it is because she isnt sporean. she is an exchange student in spore and will be returning home.. home is canada.. an alienated place. a first world nation. a vast country and ultimately, her home.. i find myself asking this question (and perhaps jumping the gun too early by doing so). will i unroot myself and leave everyone and everything which i stand for behind for love? if u asked me in the past, it would be a resounding yes.. now?? im not sure.. im troubled.. im troubled cos i genuinely wants to be with her.. bless me..
My friends are having problems too. just last night as i was sitting in the car chatting with a close buddy of mine, he told me his life story.. i can see tears welling in his eyes as he struggled to keep check on his emotions.. my eyes were stinging too.. at that point (and even now as im furiously chomping at the keyboard) i so badly want to give him jus a hug and told him everything is fine though i know its not. i didnt give him a hug nor give him a pat on his shoulder. i held strong. not cos im strong but i know two weak doesnt make a strong. his a strong lad but i think there are too many things hinging on his shoulder.. another dear buddy of mine i can see the same soul-less eyes.. he goes to a particular place every day without fail. why? i see it as a place he frequent as it is a nirvana for him. no one knew his past, his respected and love there, under the thumping music, the booze and his exploits in pool make him temporarily detached from his troubles. yet behind the seemingly impenetrable facade he puts on, i see a jaded, tortured being.. he has aged.. the relentless problems and difficulties both these friends of mine had encounted can break a lesser man. im proud of their valliance but yet i feel for them. i cant do much.. except probably stay strong and rational. i will stay strong. for those 2 friends who might be reading this post, heed this.. whenever u feel like breaking, do note that the rainbow is perhaps just the corner. let those who are dear to u but have fallen rest. for they will never want to know their precious is suffering and in pain. be an example for all to follow because someday, we will all reunite again and that will be the time, where union is for eternity.
Im going for an internship soon. yet i really hope not to.. i want to stay and see her more and be with her more and thus know whether we have a future together. a future, our future. furthermore my work is seriously impeded with my absence. it will be hard to hit management level if i leave. to compound my woes, i might be forced to leave due to some contractual problems. it is not so easy. time is tight. i can insist on being a jerk by leaving but its going to strain my friendship with a friend who is going with me and get me alot of flakes from the school officer. this is really a predicament i can do without.
How the next few weeks pan out will affect me directly for a long time to come. i pray for strength and for luck to get an answer i so desired and a blissful ending that will pleased everyone. hands clasped firm, i pray for love.
This is a period when hard work is neccesitate due to the urge to do well. soon this will be over.. i will soon break free from the safe cacoon of the education haven and thread my first steps in the working world. though i have been working for ages, those are mainly menial and part time jobs that are best left unmentioned.
I have a problem. i like this particular girl whom i dont think i should be liking, rationally. but when is love ever rational? despite my best attempt to sound impartial and strong and determined in my previous posts trumpeting my stand of career first and love takes a back seat, WHEN am i ever rational?? this girl likes me too.. we been going out alot. supper, lunch, dinner, movie, strolling at bontanic garden, studying together, msn, phone chat, sms etc, we are doing it all.. why the troubled outlook?? it is because she isnt sporean. she is an exchange student in spore and will be returning home.. home is canada.. an alienated place. a first world nation. a vast country and ultimately, her home.. i find myself asking this question (and perhaps jumping the gun too early by doing so). will i unroot myself and leave everyone and everything which i stand for behind for love? if u asked me in the past, it would be a resounding yes.. now?? im not sure.. im troubled.. im troubled cos i genuinely wants to be with her.. bless me..
My friends are having problems too. just last night as i was sitting in the car chatting with a close buddy of mine, he told me his life story.. i can see tears welling in his eyes as he struggled to keep check on his emotions.. my eyes were stinging too.. at that point (and even now as im furiously chomping at the keyboard) i so badly want to give him jus a hug and told him everything is fine though i know its not. i didnt give him a hug nor give him a pat on his shoulder. i held strong. not cos im strong but i know two weak doesnt make a strong. his a strong lad but i think there are too many things hinging on his shoulder.. another dear buddy of mine i can see the same soul-less eyes.. he goes to a particular place every day without fail. why? i see it as a place he frequent as it is a nirvana for him. no one knew his past, his respected and love there, under the thumping music, the booze and his exploits in pool make him temporarily detached from his troubles. yet behind the seemingly impenetrable facade he puts on, i see a jaded, tortured being.. he has aged.. the relentless problems and difficulties both these friends of mine had encounted can break a lesser man. im proud of their valliance but yet i feel for them. i cant do much.. except probably stay strong and rational. i will stay strong. for those 2 friends who might be reading this post, heed this.. whenever u feel like breaking, do note that the rainbow is perhaps just the corner. let those who are dear to u but have fallen rest. for they will never want to know their precious is suffering and in pain. be an example for all to follow because someday, we will all reunite again and that will be the time, where union is for eternity.
Im going for an internship soon. yet i really hope not to.. i want to stay and see her more and be with her more and thus know whether we have a future together. a future, our future. furthermore my work is seriously impeded with my absence. it will be hard to hit management level if i leave. to compound my woes, i might be forced to leave due to some contractual problems. it is not so easy. time is tight. i can insist on being a jerk by leaving but its going to strain my friendship with a friend who is going with me and get me alot of flakes from the school officer. this is really a predicament i can do without.
How the next few weeks pan out will affect me directly for a long time to come. i pray for strength and for luck to get an answer i so desired and a blissful ending that will pleased everyone. hands clasped firm, i pray for love.
posted by david at 7:46 PM
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