saturday night
its a lonely sat night.. tried to ask ppl out but guess i start to ask them too late.. none of them are free.. as i sat in my darken room surfing through the web, i start to reminisce over my times in poland. it is kinda impossible that on sat night in warsaw, i be this lonely.. most likely i will be drinking and merry making somewhere...
wonder what ppl like botermann and cp is doing.. what about tominator and co? what about christine? what about greta and kirk? are they coping well? are they having fun? my time in warsaw flew by in a blink of an eye. things r returning back to normal n im normally busy working in singapore. the times and experiences i had during my exchange seems so distant.. everything seem crystal clear yet so far away. i remember vividly every single detail but yet it seems like i have never done those things before..
time and tide waits for no man. how apt. as i sat forlornly in my room getting nolstalgic about the past, the world refuses to start spinning. the thought that i had spent 1/3 of a human's normal lifespan is haunting me.. as my life ebbs closer to middle age, i realised that all the years had jus flew by me. yet i remain unsatisfied and unfulfilled. what have i done this past 25yrs that are noteworthy? have i save the world? nah. have i stop spending my parents' money? nope. have i reach out and help others selflessly? negative. have i found my own happiness and love? nei.
i have not done anything that im particularly proud or fond of.. am i too harsh on myself? possibly.. but it truly perplex me that i had spent 25 years and not achieve anything. in places like africa where the average lifespan is around 40 years, i would only have 15 years left to live. will i consider my life a success if i were to leave now?
everyone used to wonder what would happen to them when they got older. i know. i used to think what it would be like once i cross the 21 years barrier. did anything happen?? nope it didnt. if u discount the fact that i was crossed in love multiple times, served the national service in a ridiculous unit, got into a university plagued with posers, continue to lose in vball games, spending my parents hardearned money... maybe as a kid u will think with age, comes greater freedom and happiness.
that is not true. as a kid, u certainly did not need to think much. when to study is determined by ur mom. how much u get as pocket money depends on ur begging and "how to look pathetic" skills. playing sports simply means calling some numbers or knocking on their doors to go down to the void deck to kick a ball. eating times mean once ur mom is done with the cooking. outings points to sundays when dad is not working. girls and relationships?? oh well.. they are simply something to fantasize about. you see as a kid, i never had much (in fact NO luck at all) luck with girls.. not that i got alot to boast about now..
however those days were carefree. no money?? no problem. just find excuses like u need a new text book. no soccer balls? go to the bins and find a discarded can. bored?? jus pick up the phone and call someone. someone page u but u cant reply? just give the same excuse that u r on the bus and is too poor to own a hp. didnt do well for exams? jus bear ur parents' naggings and the occasional caning.. no car to drive?? buses and trains are always there... no air con? fans.. checked.
get jilted in love? sleep, dream and find a new target... ahh.. somethings never change. i like that. continuity.
wonder what ppl like botermann and cp is doing.. what about tominator and co? what about christine? what about greta and kirk? are they coping well? are they having fun? my time in warsaw flew by in a blink of an eye. things r returning back to normal n im normally busy working in singapore. the times and experiences i had during my exchange seems so distant.. everything seem crystal clear yet so far away. i remember vividly every single detail but yet it seems like i have never done those things before..
time and tide waits for no man. how apt. as i sat forlornly in my room getting nolstalgic about the past, the world refuses to start spinning. the thought that i had spent 1/3 of a human's normal lifespan is haunting me.. as my life ebbs closer to middle age, i realised that all the years had jus flew by me. yet i remain unsatisfied and unfulfilled. what have i done this past 25yrs that are noteworthy? have i save the world? nah. have i stop spending my parents' money? nope. have i reach out and help others selflessly? negative. have i found my own happiness and love? nei.
i have not done anything that im particularly proud or fond of.. am i too harsh on myself? possibly.. but it truly perplex me that i had spent 25 years and not achieve anything. in places like africa where the average lifespan is around 40 years, i would only have 15 years left to live. will i consider my life a success if i were to leave now?
everyone used to wonder what would happen to them when they got older. i know. i used to think what it would be like once i cross the 21 years barrier. did anything happen?? nope it didnt. if u discount the fact that i was crossed in love multiple times, served the national service in a ridiculous unit, got into a university plagued with posers, continue to lose in vball games, spending my parents hardearned money... maybe as a kid u will think with age, comes greater freedom and happiness.
that is not true. as a kid, u certainly did not need to think much. when to study is determined by ur mom. how much u get as pocket money depends on ur begging and "how to look pathetic" skills. playing sports simply means calling some numbers or knocking on their doors to go down to the void deck to kick a ball. eating times mean once ur mom is done with the cooking. outings points to sundays when dad is not working. girls and relationships?? oh well.. they are simply something to fantasize about. you see as a kid, i never had much (in fact NO luck at all) luck with girls.. not that i got alot to boast about now..
however those days were carefree. no money?? no problem. just find excuses like u need a new text book. no soccer balls? go to the bins and find a discarded can. bored?? jus pick up the phone and call someone. someone page u but u cant reply? just give the same excuse that u r on the bus and is too poor to own a hp. didnt do well for exams? jus bear ur parents' naggings and the occasional caning.. no car to drive?? buses and trains are always there... no air con? fans.. checked.
get jilted in love? sleep, dream and find a new target... ahh.. somethings never change. i like that. continuity.
posted by david at 10:01 AM
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